Cowards
by salianne
Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself.  It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever imagined.  And so does Greg.
1. Chapter 1, 2, 3 Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

Title: Cowards

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~6500

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever imagined. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

_AN: I started this a really freaking long time ago and it got away from me. It started as one thing and then took a very, __**very**__ dark turn. I wanted to get it back on track, so I shelved it for a while. Every once in a while I'll revisist it and no matter how much time passes, it won't get off the dark path. Sometimes stories just need to write themselves I suppose. So I am posting it as it has been demanding to be posted. I'm pretty sure this will be the hardest chapter to read. If you are sensitive to issues of homophobia and rape, you might want to skip this chapter. Oh - and if you have adverse reactions to cliff hangers...well reader beware._

I am posting the first three parts in this chapter - keep in mind that Part 1 and 2 were written right after Warrick bit the dust in cannon.

_**Part 1**_

They rode in silence. The heaviness of the day was almost too much for either of them to bear. As Nick pulled his truck next to Greg's car in his driveway, he paused for a moment before turning off the engine. He stared straight ahead, looking at everything and nothing at the same time. Greg, similarly, looked through the passenger window – thinking of how he couldn't move, let alone drive home.

"Thanks for driving, Nicky." Greg said as he reached for the door handle.

"Will you come in for a few minutes?" Nick said to Greg without looking, still staring glassy-eyed through the windshield. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

"Sure." Greg pulled himself out of his trance to look at his friend. "You okay Nicky?"

"I just need to talk to you about something." Nick said as he opened the door and stepped out of his truck.

Greg followed closely behind, walking into the living room through the front door. Nick took his suit jacket off and tossed it onto the back of his couch. He faced Greg and silently slid his hands underneath the lapels of Greg's suit jacket, pushing it off of his shoulders. Nick tossed Greg's jacket onto the back of the couch to mingle with his own.

"Nick?" Greg's voice shook and his eyes looked at Nick with confusion.

Nick pulled Greg into a tight embrace – the kind of full-body contact that is usually reserved for lovers. Nick's arms wrapped around Greg's shoulders, pinning his arms in such a way that Greg could only reciprocate with his arms sliding around Nick's waist. They held each other for several minutes - just looking. Slowly, Nick moved his face so that he was buried into Greg's neck. Greg felt Nick's breath on his skin, which caused his heart and stomach to wrestle for top billing. Nick spoke softly into Greg's neck, the vibration of his voice giving Greg goose-flesh from head to toe.

"I almost killed him." Nick said.

"Who?"

"McKeen. I almost killed him. I stood there, gun pointed right at his head. It would have been easy. Warrick deserved it – you know? He deserved for that bastard to be dead." Nick's eyes began to leak a steady stream of tears onto the crisp white shirt that Greg had worn to Warrick's funeral.

"But you didn't." Greg said as he tightened his grip around his friend's waist.

"You know why. Greggo?" Nick said, pulling himself away from Greg, only enough to allow himself to look into Greg's eyes. Nick took Greg's face into his hands. "How many times have you and I been almost dead? Almost like Warrick?"

"Nick, I…" Greg was interrupted.

"Too many. Hell, once is too many – am I right, G?" Nick smiled, lightly running his thumbs across Greg's cheeks, wiping away the tears that began to fall from Greg's heartbroken, chocolate eyes. He placed their foreheads together - he just needed to get closer.

"Nick?" Greg said, eyes closed, breathless.

"Each time I almost lost you – or almost lost me – I promised myself I would talk to you - tell you how important you are. To tell you how much I need you – need to see you every day. But it's hard to tell one of your best friends that you have fallen in love with him – you know?" Nick's eyes shifted, looking lost and sad.

"Nick, I know you are feeling a little lost right now. Warrick and you were like brothers – I know this is so very, very hard for you. I don't think you…" Again, Greg was interrupted.

"Greg. I promise you this isn't grief talking. I have felt so much for you for so long. I just keep telling myself that I'll talk to you later – next month – next year. Then something would happen to you – or me – and I would know that I shouldn't waste any more time – but we would get back into the routine and I would put it off again." Nick placed his forehead so that it rested on Greg's. "I'm such a coward."

Greg closed his eyes, not moving. He took a deep breath, trying to get his bearings as Nick altered his universe with each word. Greg realized that his hands were clutching Nick's shirt in tight fists-full of fabric, his knuckles white from the strain.

"So – I'm looking at McKeen with my finger on the trigger. Then your face flashes in front of my brain. Warrick is gone, man. Dead. He didn't make it. Not like you and I so many times before. He didn't make it. And, I realized that someday you or I may not make it – our luck could run out. That's when I knew I couldn't kill McKeen." Nick's thumb brushed across Greg's lips. "Because if I killed him – I wouldn't be able to do what I should have done years ago. What I need to do before it's too late someday. If I killed him I might never be able to do this…"

Nick's lips gently pressed into Greg's. Softly, but with intent. He pulled back for a second to look into Greg's eyes – making sure Greg wasn't retreating. Nick saw something that looked like wonder mixed with promise in those beautiful brown eyes. He pulled Greg into a tighter embrace, kissing him with more passion and sending a clear signal that his desire for Greg ran deep and strong. Nick felt Greg's tongue brush across his open mouth. He welcomed Greg's tongue, offering his own in return. They only stopped when the need for air outweighed the need for each other's mouths.

"Thank you." Nick said, panting. They once again rested on each other's foreheads.

"For what?" Greg breathed.

"For giving me something to live for – other than revenge." Nick said simply. "The next move is up to you. Is this what you want, G?"

Greg nodded silently while he slowly moved his hands to Nick's chest, feeling his tight muscles as he moved to loosen Nick's tie. Greg's lips landed On Nick's again – this time with more intensity – almost hunger.

"Coffee." Nick whispered into Greg's mouth.

"What?" Greg smiled without moving his lips from Nick.

Nick pulled away enough to say, "Coffee. I always imagined that your kisses would taste like coffee. And, they do."

"Sorry." Greg said as he pulled Nick's mouth back into his own.

"Don't be. I like it."

As Greg slowly removed Nick's clothing, he trailed kisses and nibbles on Nick's neck. "Are you ready for a boyfriend, Tex?"

"Are you?" Nick pushed Greg back toward the couch, pulling off Greg's clothes as they moved.

"I've been ready since the day I met you, Nick. I was just waiting on you."

"I guess we're both cowards – huh?" Nick pushed Greg to fall onto the soft cushions of the couch – quickly laying himself on top before nestling his face once again into Greg's neck.

_**Part 2**_

"God - you feel so amazing." Nick's hands roamed every inch of Greg's skin while his lips grazed upon Greg's neck.

Feeling Nick's voice rumble on his neck caused Greg's cock to dance. His hips moved in rhythm with Nick as they introduced their hard heat for the first time.

"Nick?" Greg moaned into Nick's ear.

"Mmmmmm..." Nick replied as he crashed his lips onto Greg's.

"Bed?" Greg moaned through kisses.

Nick pulled back, panting for air, face flushed, lips kiss-swollen. He froze. He felt his cock, hard and throbbing, pressed between himself and the man underneath him. Nick suddenly felt naked and exposed. _Bed? I'm going to have sex - with a man - with GREG - in my bed. A man...in my bed. What am I doing?_ Nick looked into Greg's eyes, dreamy and dark. _Bed - with Greg - that is what I'm doing. I'm going to fuck this man like I have in my fantasies for years._ Nick kissed Greg, his tongue desperately searching for Greg's.

"This way." Nick pulled himself off of Greg, grabbing him by the arms to pull him up without losing contact with his delicious mouth. They bounced from wall to wall in the hallway leading to Nick's room, hands and lips working in a frenzy. Greg pushed Nick against the wall next to the bed and fell to his knees in front of him.

"You're so fucking hot, Nick." Greg said in a lusty tone and made Nick twitch in all the right places. "I've wanted to taste you for so fucking long."

Greg began kissing Nick's tight abdomen, just above the navel, savoring each centimeter of skin between Nick's navel and his throbbing, rock-hard cock. Greg's mind raced and his heart felt like it was bursting from his chest. _I'm touching Nick, kissing Nick, tasting NICK! _

Nick stopped breathing the moment Greg dropped to his knees. He felt the jolt of Greg's lips and tongue on his skin, creating a trail of heat from his navel toward his cock. _God, this feels so fucking good - Greg feels so fucking good._

Nick looked down, seeing Greg's brown eyes looking back a him, hooded and dark. Nick closed his eyes and swallowed as his lust was replaced by fear. _What am I doing? I can't do this - I can't fuck a man - not even Greg. I can't be this - I am NOT this._

Nick's breathing became erratic as panic crept into his lust-filled haze. Greg noticed. "Nick - are you okay?"

Nick pushed Greg away and sat on his bed, grabbing a pillow to cover his lap. Nick looked at the ceiling - avoiding Greg's eyes. "Greg - I - I..." Nick took a deep breath and sighed. He looked at Greg, who was still on his knees - looking up at Nick from the floor.

"Greg - I'm so sorry. But...I can't...I just can't. I'm not...like that...like this." Nick swallowed the lump in his throat.

"But, you just said - I mean, you kissed me. You said you've wanted me...have for years. I asked you if you were ready for a boyfriend and..."

"I didn't answer, Greg." Nick said, sounding a little cold.

Greg sat on his feet, playing back the conversation from a few moments before: _"Are you ready for a boyfriend, Tex?" "Are you?" _ Greg's heart sank.

"No, I guess you didn't." Greg suddenly felt shamefully naked. "Nick, what does this mean - I'm a little confused here."

Nick looked at his hands, avoiding Greg's eyes again.

"Nick - look at me." Nick refused to look at Greg.

"Greg - I meant what I said. I love you and I don't regret finally telling you how I feel about you. But, I'm not gay."

"You kissed me! You ripped my clothes off and practically humped me into the couch cushions. You seem pretty gay to me, Nick." Greg hated the way his voice sounded - desperate and hurt.

"I'm sorry, Greg. I made a mistake." Nick looked everywhere but directly at Greg. "My feelings for you are deep - but not sexual. I just didn't know it until...we got...sexual."

"Your body sure looked like it was feeling sexual, Nick. I'm sure you're freaking out a little - but that doesn't mean that we..."

"GREG! You can't talk me into being gay for god's sake! The thought of fucking you makes me want to puke! I am pretty sure that is a good indication that I am not feeling it with you!" Nick immediately regretted his words, especially considering he was lying through his teeth.

If Nick had the courage to look at the man on his floor he would have seen the liquid evidence of just how accurate his words hit their target. "Nick, could you please turn around so I can walk out of this room? I'm feeling really naked and not in a good way." Greg said softly.

"Of course - I'm sorry." Nicked turned himself on the edge of the bed to face the wall behind him, facing away from Greg. He heard Greg walking out of the room and down the hall. Nick jumped from his bed and quickly put on sweat pants that were sticking out of his hamper. He stood in front of the mirror hanging on the door of his bathroom, collecting himself and giving Greg a few minutes to get dressed. Nick looked at himself and felt like a fraud - a terrified, fraud who just broke the heart of the man he loves - the man he loves in a _**totally**_ gay way.

When Nick thought Greg had plenty of time to be dressed, he walked into the living room and was surprised to find it empty. He looked out the front window and saw Greg pulling his shirt on before getting into his car and driving away.

"Shit."

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Greg felt heavy from his day. First the funeral, saying goodbye to his good friend. Then, the incredible rush of love and lust from the man he has been secretly pining over for years - only to be rejected in such a humiliating way. _Rejected? I didn't even start it - so why am I feeling rejected?_

Greg walked into his apartment and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw a man sitting on his couch, facing the door.

"FUCK! Damn it, Paul. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you." Greg's ex said in an ominous tone.

"How did you get in here? I took my key back." Greg stayed by the door, leaving it open.

"I made a copy before I gave it back to you. In case you needed me - you know - emergencies." Paul smirked.

"Look, Paul, I've had a shitty day, and I need to get some sleep before my shift tonight - so please leave - and leave my key." Greg gestured to the open door.

Paul stood and walked toward the door. Greg was relieved that Paul wasn't giving him trouble. The last time he saw Paul he landed in the emergency room with several cracked ribs and a bruise in the clear shape of a boot print in Paul's size across his back.

Paul reached the door and stopped with one foot inside and one foot outside. He stood several inches taller than Greg and had at least 40 pounds on him. Paul turned to look at Greg.

"Fuck you," was the last thing Greg heard before he saw Paul's fist crashing onto his face.

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Greg sat in his car in the lab's parking lot, staring at the building as he willed himself to walk through the door. He dreaded the inevitable awkward moments with Nick. Greg had several hours to think about it - the shared feelings they had confessed, the way the intimacy felt perfect. Greg decided to give Nick a break - they had just buried Nick's best friend - that surely leaves a man vulnerable. Greg should have drawn some boundaries instead of taking advantage of Nick's weakened condition. _Sometimes you're such a selfish prick, Sanders._ Greg felt guilty and wasn't ready to face his friend so soon after his indiscretion.

Of course - it didn't help that he also had the extra challenge of hiding a face full of bruises. He adjusted his rear-view mirror to take a good look at his face and saw that the makeup was still hiding the bruises well.

He ended his brief relationship with Paul almost a year ago. He had met Paul at a club. Greg had only stopped by for a few minutes to wish his friend a Happy Birthday, but when he was introduced to Paul he decided to stay for a while - Paul was hot. He was tall and built like a tank and Greg thought he would be a nice distraction from his obsession with Nick Stokes, CSI. They had dated only a few weeks, but that was long enough for Greg to realize that Paul was clingy and needy with an undertone of possessive and jealous - qualities that Greg found most unattractive. When Greg told Paul it wasn't working out, Paul left Greg stranded 20 miles away at a diner. They came in Greg's car. Greg paid over $60 for the taxi to get himself home, locked out because Paul took his keys when he took his car. He called the friend who introduced him to Paul and together they found Paul and Greg's car at a bar. Greg's friend got his keys, he took his car home and considered the situation resolved. Six months later Greg found Paul sitting on his bed after a double shift. Paul had copied his key during the hours he had possession of his car. After a 30-minute screaming match that quickly escalated into a beat-down - Greg had his key back - he also had two cracked ribs and a face full of abrasions. That was the week that Greg mastered the art of concealer.

The run-in with Paul earlier that night was a surprise, to say the least. Greg still received a periodic voicemail from Paul, when he had drunk dialed, but Greg hadn't seen Paul since the night he landed in the ER. Greg had to admit to himself that he was now officially afraid of Paul. After Paul smashed his fist into Greg's face - again - he made it very clear that Greg wouldn't be the one to determine when they were done.

"_I saw that one of your people was killed on the news. So I came over to make sure you are OK and what do I get? You are such an ungrateful fuck, Greg. I don't know why I still bother with you. I'm keeping your key though - we aren't done yet."_

Greg took a deep breath and opened his car door, steeling himself for whatever confrontation awaited him with Nick. He was exhausted. He hadn't slept for nearly 36-hours. After Paul left, Greg called a locksmith to change his locks, so he felt like he had finally slammed _**that**_ door shut. He tried to catch a couple of hours of sleep after that but couldn't stop thinking about Nick. _How can something that felt so right, so fucking good, be so messed up? _ Greg braced himself for an awkward confrontation, but was determined to set things right so he could have his friend back.

Nick sat on the bench in the locker room, staring at his locker. He hadn't slept all night - he couldn't stop thinking about Greg. His mind twirled conflicting emotions of guilt and longing. Nick was ashamed of how he treated his friend and knew that he needed to make this right if he ever wanted to sleep again. Nick had practiced what he wanted to say over and over as he counted the speckles on the ceiling of his bedroom. He felt like an idiot and a coward and he hoped he didn't miss his chance to take life by the balls and follow his heart. With any luck - he would be getting a do-over with Greg tomorrow morning after their shift.

Nick heard the shuffling of feet behind him and smelled his addiction as he walked into the small room. _ God he smells fucking fantastic! _ Nick turned to face Greg, who immediately averted his eyes from Nick's.

"Hey, Nick." Greg said softy as he opened his locker. His locker door blocked him from Nick's view.

"Hey, G. I've been waiting for you." Nick turned to face Greg. "I owe you an apology."

Greg poked his head out from behind his locker door. "You what?"

"I owe you an apology, G. I freaked out - Rick would have been pissed. Here I am, taking a chance - tossing caution to the wind to try my hand at happiness in honor of my best friend - and I panic. Rick would have handed me my ass."

"You're not making sense, Nick."

"I know. I'm trying to have a very serious - potentially life altering - conversation with absolutely no sleep." Nick laughed.

"Nick, you're starting to freak me out a little." Greg closed his locker and sat on the bench facing Nick. "I think it's me who owes you an apology. I took advantage of you. We were both feeling vulnerable and I should have had more respect for that. I hope we can still be..."

"Don't say it." Nick cut him off. "Please don't say you hope we can be friends."

"Well, I do. You are my best friend, Nick. I know I'm not yours - but you're mine. I don't want to mess that up. So - let's just call it what it is - two friends who were sad and vulnerable and looking for a connection on the day they buried someone very special. Nothing really happened - a little kissing - some heavy petting. No biggie." Greg put on his best smile.

"We were naked, G."

"Yeah - but we're naked all the time - in here, the showers...whatever. Please, Nick, let's just forget it ever happened."

Nick could see the desperation in Greg's eyes. The more Nick listened to Greg, the more he agreed that acting on his feelings may not be the best course of action. Nick didn't want to ruin a good friendship either. So instead of following his heart, Nick looked at Greg and took the opportunity to lock away the vulnerable truth for safe keeping.

"Okay." Nick held out his hand to Greg. "Friends?"

"Friends." Greg affirmed and grabbed Nick's hand and gave him two firm, manly shakes.

"There you are! You're late for assignments." Grissom stood in the doorway of the locker room. "Two DBs in a car behind the Tangiers. You two are on it. Today preferably."

_**Part 3 - Violent Content Warning!**_

The case Greg and Nick had been assigned was a clear case of murder/suicide. The wife was the cheater, the husband the cheated - their children now orphans. While Greg finished up the tedious paperwork, Nick was sent to help Catherine with her floater. Her crime scene had expanded to cover most of a small lake and 10-acres of thick brush.

Nick was going to have a long day.

Greg had finished up only 30-minutes late and was relieved to be walking to his car. Almost 9 hours of checking and re-checking his face, making sure the evidence of his run-in with Paul stayed hidden, was exhausting. As Greg moved to open his car door, he heard a familiar voice from behind him, calling his name.

Nick saw Greg walking toward his car as he pulled into the parking lot from the crime scene he had just left. Nick was tired and dirty, but he knew he would be working a double to get this case moving along. More than anything, Nick wanted to talk to Greg. He had spent the better part of the last 5-hours quietly collecting evidence and thinking about nothing but the dark-eyed man he was now willing to admit occupied most of his fantasies.

"Hey, Greggo! Wait up, man." Nick called out as he sprinted toward his crush.

Greg turned to face his friend. Nick looked tired and grubby, but to Greg he still looked like a god. Greg just wanted to grab his face and lick him.

"Hey, Nicky! Are you just getting back? That must be some scene you and Catherine got stuck with!"

"Man, that's the biggest understatement of the fucking year." Nick chuckled. "Look, G - I'm gonna be here for a while, but can I stop by later? I really want to talk to you about what happened between us."

"Nick, I thought we decided to..."

"Greg - I didn't really decide anything. I'm feeling confused and nervous - but I want to talk about it." Nick moved closer to Greg, their lips achingly close. Nick brushed his fingers over the concealer-covered bruised flesh of Greg's face. His brows furrowed when he saw the injury underneath. "What the hell happened to you?"

Greg didn't want to stop the momentum and cursed himself for not doing a better job covering up his latest gift from Paul. "It's nothing. I had a little run in with a crazy ex..."

"He _**hit **_you?" Nick was horrified that anyone would purposely hurt the lovable guy in front of him. "My god, G..."

As good as it felt to be the center of Nick Stokes' protectiveness, Greg didn't want to change the direction they were headed in. "Don't go all Superman on me, Cowboy. I took care of it, Paul's a thing of the past and properly put in his place." Greg insisted with a reassuring smile on his face. "Shall I expect you to stop by later for that talk?"

"I want to do more than talk, Greg." Nick practically growled.

Greg felt his body respond to Nick's physical presence. He could feel Nick's breath on his face, feel the heat from Nick's body - and he could see something in Nick's eyes that told him the gorgeous man wasn't kidding.

Greg's voice croaked as he tried his best to sound convincing, "Nick - I'm not sure this is such a good idea."

"Probably not, but you want it as much as I do, G. So - I'll see you later?" Nick closed the tiny space between them and kissed Greg softly.

Greg closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of warm, slightly chapped lips pressed against his own. They reluctantly pulled apart when they heard a distant car horn. When Greg opened his eyes he saw nothing but affection reflecting back from the brown eyes of his friend.

"Um...yeah." Greg swallowed hard. "You know, this is going to sound paranoid, but it feels like we are being watched. So maybe you should back away and go get your work done so we can have that 'talk'." Greg used air-quotes.

"Makes sense. I suppose the lab's parking lot isn't the best place to make out." Nick smiled.

Greg felt his heart swell. Nick smiled in that way that say's he means it - that he's happy. Nick's whole face joined his lips in the effort, his eyes sparkled, his face creased with beautiful lines that Greg just wanted to map with his tongue.

"I'll see you later, Nicky." Greg gently pushed Nick away and turned to get into his car. Nick stood in his place, not moving until he could no longer see Greg's car driving away.

As he walked into the lab he filed away information he would definitely be delving into later. _Paul, huh? _

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Greg couldn't sleep. Instead he cleaned, changed his sheets, and made sure he had an ample supply of lube and condoms...j_ust in case_. By the time Greg heard a hurried knock on his door, he was nothing but a bundle of nerves and sexual tension.

He opened the door and immediately felt his heart pounding in his chest. Nick looked stunning. He was wearing tight, dark-washed jeans and a western style shirt that Greg had never seen him wear before. The shirt had pearl snaps instead of buttons. The front of the shirt was tucked behind a very large belt buckle in the shape of Texas. Greg didn't know whether to laugh or come.

"Wow - Nicky - I didn't know we were role playing - I would have worn a buck-skin thong." Greg said in his best sultry voice.

"You like?" Nick smoldered as he pushed Greg into the apartment and slammed the door closed with his foot.

"Like? You are a fucking hot cowboy, Tex. So - yeah - I like...a lot." Greg grabbed Nick by his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. "You know - I was going to tell you we shouldn't do this, but now I think I'll just let you fuck me."

Greg leaned into Nick, craving the taste of his lips.

Nick pulled back, avoiding Greg's attempt for a kiss. Instead - Nick pushed Greg away and toward the bedroom.

"You're a little eager, I see." Greg chuckled - allowing Nick to rip his t-shirt off of his body. "I didn't like that shirt anyway." He smirked at his soon to be Cowboy Lover.

Greg grabbed Nick's shirt by the collar and yanked it open, each snap unsnapping in machine-gun fashion. "I've always wanted to do that - you'll definitely have to wear the snappy shirt more often." Greg pushed Nick's shirt off of his shoulders as he tried again to kiss him.

Nick roughly pushed Greg until he fell onto his bed. He grabbed the button of Greg's jeans and pulled hard, causing the waistband to dig into Greg's flesh.

"Hey - Nicky - simmer down tiger - that hurt a little." Greg said with a bit of humor and a lot of nervousness.

"Shut up." Nick demanded.

"Wow - Nick - I didn't figure you for a rough-top. Can we just tone it down a little for our first time?" Greg asked, his eyes open and trusting.

Nick yanked Greg's jeans off, "You always go commando?"

"Only when I'm expecting a hot Texan to knock on my door." Greg purred.

"You're a sick fuck, you know that?" Nick's voice held no humor.

Greg swallowed the lump that had suddenly lodged in his throat, "Nicky, if you're trying to be all hot and sexy - that's really not working"

Nick lunged at Greg, forcing Greg onto his back. Nick's body hovered inches above Greg's, achingly close but not touching. His hand slowly moved from Greg's belly toward his face. He closed the space between their faces until his lips were only an inch away from Greg's.

Greg felt himself breathing harder and faster, his cock responded to Nick's touch. He felt sparks on his skin as Nick's fingers trailed onto his chest. For some reason, Greg noticed that Nick smelled different. He couldn't really isolate what exactly was different, but there was definitely a different kind of chemical reaction happening tonight. _Maybe he did lemons and tomato juice from a decomp case._ Greg raised his head enough to capture Nick's mouth with his own - but before he could make contact he felt Nick's fingers tighten around his neck.

His hand gripped tighter around Greg's thin neck. "You think I want to kiss you? You are a sick fuck, Faggot."

Greg's eyes were suddenly wide and filled with terror. He couldn't speak and he could barely breathe as Nick's fingers dug into his windpipe. Greg grabbed Nick's wrist in an attempt to pull his hand away from his neck, but Nick was strong and Greg had allowed himself to be placed in a vulnerable position. Greg struggled to understand what was happening. None of it made sense.

"Roll over." Nick commanded, releasing his grip on Greg's throat.

"Nicky, I think we need to stop now. This isn't really what I had in mind, so maybe we should talk about this a little fir..."

"ROLL OVER!" Nick screamed.

Greg's body started shaking uncontrollably. "Nick, please. You're really scaring me."

Nick pushed himself up so he was on his knees towering over Greg's naked body. "Then I suggest you roll over."

"Nicky pl..."

Nick backhanded Greg, leaving his face red and streaked. "What the fuck? Are you wearing make-up?"

Greg could only look at Nick, tears building in his eyes. His confusion and fear mixed together and stabbed him in the heart over and over again. Nick took his thumb and roughly swiped it across Greg's tender cheekbone.

"You _**are**_ wearing make-up!" Nick could see the bruise peeking through the stripe of exposed skin he had just wiped into the cover-up on Greg's face.

Greg was so confused. Nick was like a complete stranger. _How could he not remember what I told him about Paul?_ He tried to reason with the man in a shaky voice. "I already told you..."

"Shut the fuck up." He backhanded Greg again. "What happened to you? Someone get to you before me? No one likes a fag, you know. Especially one that tries to ruin decent, God-fearing _**normal**_ men." Nick said with venom.

Nick started unbuckling his belt. As he slowly pulled the belt from his belt loops he spat, "Are you going to roll over on your own or are you going to make me do it for you?"

Greg was frozen in fear and complete shock.

Nick struck Greg's face with the leather of his belt.

Greg trembled.

"Next time it will be the buckle. Now - roll over." Nick demanded.

"Nick." Greg sobbed.

Nick unbuttoned his button-fly.

"Why?" Greg's sobs were taking over.

"My daddy always said punishment should hurt - that way you never forget and you don't make the same mistakes twice." Nick explained.

Greg looked at Nick with a silent plea.

"You need to be punished, you sick son-of-a-bitch."

Nick swung the belt again, this time striking Greg's temple with the heavy buckle.

Greg saw white flashes and lost his vision for a few seconds before the pain took over. He could feel the wet heat of his blood as it gushed from the substantial gash on his face. He felt Nick's weight shifting. He heard the sound of fabric rustling and falling to the floor. Greg wondered if he deserved this, after Paul he should have been better at reading people. _How could I not know Nick is like this?_

Greg closed his eyes, his heart racing and breaking at the same time, and he rolled over.

"I see you've already been punished once." Nick said menacingly. "Your back looks disgusting."

Greg felt Nick's hand on the back of his head, pushing his bleeding face into the mattress. He was finding it hard to breathe. He felt Nick push his legs apart, roughly, with his knees. He felt the heat of Nick's breath on his neck as Nick leaned in to say, "This is supposed to hurt - what you do is sick and wrong. Daddy believed in an eye for an eye. You're lucky he's not here - he has sentenced men to die after all. I'll go a little easy on ya." Nick laughed cruelly. "But not too easy. Maybe if it hurts enough you'll stop trying spread your sickness to good, decent men. I'm going to teach you a lesson you'll never forget, you fucking fag."

Greg couldn't breathe but he didn't fight the pressure holding his face to the soft mattress - he didn't struggle to stop the suffocation. He just gave up. There was no way he could fathom bouncing back from this kind of violation. The physical pain paled in comparison to the magnitude of pain and confusion and betrayal burning him to a crisp from the inside out. Nick was imploding his world.

But when Greg felt the excruciating ripping and tearing he could not stop the screams. Nick's hand responded with more force, crushing Greg's face into suffocating softness of his bed, releasing Greg from his nightmare as dark oblivion took over.

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He felt the pain long before he understood that he was waking up. Greg struggled to open his eyes, one of which was stubbornly refusing to budge. He couldn't move, every inch of him felt stiff and painful. Greg lifted his head from the mattress, but couldn't support the weight of it. The room was beginning to fade. Greg saw his phone sitting on the table next to his bed and he willed himself to reach for it. After a brief struggle, Greg succeeded and dialed.

"Gris?" Greg's voice was barely there, "Help."

"Greg? Greg, is that you?" Grissom sounded concerned. After loosing Warrick, he had become very protective.

"Just you. No one else. Help." Greg passed out.

Grissom was at Greg's door within 10-minutes. His knocks went unanswered. He knew where Greg hid a spare key and easily retrieved it from beneath the troll doll plant stand.

He found Greg laying face down in his bed. There was blood everywhere, but mostly concentrated around Greg's head and surrounding his hips and groin. His body was not only covered in smears and spatter of his own blood, but dark, deep bruises and raised, red strap marks. Several of the scars on Greg's back had become open, gaping wounds.

Grissom stepped to Greg, kneeling beside his bed, trying not to disturb the crime scene. He felt Greg's wrist, and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt Greg's strong heart beat. He gently touched Greg's head.

"Greg, can you hear me?"

"Gris?" He groaned without moving.

"Yes, Greg. It's Grissom. I've called for help Greg. Brass is on his way."

"No! Just you." Greg coughed painfully from the effort.

"Just Brass, Greg. I promise. He and I will process alone." Grissom reassured.

Greg relaxed.

"Do you know who did this, Greg?" Grissom asked.

Greg closed his eye, unable to say his name out loud. He wasn't sure which hurt worse, his body or his soul.

"Greg?"

"Yes." Greg replied.

"Yes. You know who did this?" Grissom wasn't sure what Greg was saying.

"Yes." Greg repeated.

"Who?"

Greg closed his one operational eye again and swallowed hard.

"Stokes." Greg couldn't bring himself to say 'Nick.'

Grissom froze. His years of training told him not to ask Greg if he was sure. So he didn't.

Grissom covered Greg's nude, battered body carefully with a clean sheet he pulled from Greg's linen closet. He hoped to offer a shred of dignity to the man while also preserving as much of the crime scene as possible. "Greg. Brass and I are going to process the scene. If it's okay with you, we'll wait for DNA confirmation to bring Nick in for questioning. It's standard protocol for law enforcement. Confirmation before arrest. Okay?"

Greg was more than okay with that plan. His heart broke at the thought of Nick being arrested in front of his friends. He was also furious with himself for caring after what Nick had done - but he couldn't help it.

"Thank you." Greg mumbled before it dawned on him. "Wait. DNA?"

"Greg, there has been obvious sexual trauma." Grissom said softly.

"But, DNA?" Greg was shocked. Nick was a CSI. _Why would he leave behind DNA evidence. Wouldn't he have used condoms and taken them with him? None of this makes sense - this must just be a nightmare and I'll wake up soon_. Greg's head spun, his confusion and heartache magnified, and he felt himself drifting off into darkness again.

TBC


	2. Chapter 4 Mix Matched

Title: Cowards - Part 4

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~2000

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

When Nick pulled into the parking lot of Greg's apartment complex he recognized Brass' unmarked car and one of the lab's Denali's. He immediately felt bile rise in his throat as he recalled walking upon Warrick's scene - seeing Grissom holding the dead body of his best friend. Something inside of Nick screamed that he was about to face loss again. Nick ran across the lot and up several flights of stairs to reach Greg's apartment. The door was open. He stepped into the apartment and yelled - panicked. "Greg?"

Grissom stepped from the hallway and stopped Nick from entering the apartment further. "Nicky, you need to leave."

"Gris? What are you doing here? Where's Greg?" Nick's heart was racing from fear.

"Greg's been attacked, Nicky."

"WHAT?" Nick lunged toward the hallway to get to Greg. "Where is he?"

"Nick! Stop!" Grissom pushed Nick back, almost all the way to the open door of the apartment. "Listen to me, Nicky. You need to leave. Now."

"Is he okay?" Nick's eyes were wide with fear and confusion. "I need to be with Greg. He needs me."

"Nick. Did you just get off shift?" Grissom asked.

"Yeah - Cath and I got stuck with some contradicting evidence. It took us a while to sort it all out." Nick explained while looking over Grissom's shoulder toward Greg's bedroom.

"You just left the lab?" Grissom asked.

"Yes. Gris. What the fuck is going on?" Nick's fear melted into anger.

"Nicky. I'm not sure. What I know is that Greg has been assaulted - brutally - and he..."

"WHAT! Gris! I need to be with him!" Nick tried to push past his boss.

Grissom held Nick back - he was much stronger than he looked. "Nicky. You can't be with Greg right now. Not until we sort this out. I need you to leave the scene and stand down until further notice."

"Why? I don't understand." Nick's voice was frantic.

"I'm sorry, Nicky. But Greg has identified you as his attacker." Grissom looked at his young colleague sympathetically.

"He...he what?" It barely came out as a whisper. "But...I don't...WHAT?"

"You need to leave the property until this gets sorted out, Nicky." Grissom spoke slowly and clearly while he gripped Nick's biceps to keep him centered. "Until you are cleared you're on administrative leave."

"I need to see him." Nick's only concern was Greg. "Assaulted? What happened to him? Gris, please let me..."

Grissom looked heartsick. "I can't, Nicky. We're working as fast as we can to get this cleared up and then you'll see him. But for now go home. Greg's in good hands. We'll take good care of him."

"Fuck!" Nick couldn't think of anything else to say. He left the apartment as the paramedics were entering with a rolling stretcher. He trembled as he made his way down the stairs to get to his truck.

A tall, thick man passed by him quickly in the stair well. Nick grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Whoa there, Sparky. You can't go up there, it's an active crime scene." It stung to say those words about Greg's home.

"My lover lives up there, I need to make sure..."

"You'll need to check on her later." Nick pulled him toward the opposite direction.

The man yanked his arm free. "Fuck you."

"Sir." Nick easily fell into CSI mode. "You'll need to come with me or we'll have to sit you in a patrol car. Now come on, Man."

"Just tell me...is Greg Sanders okay?" The man almost begged.

Nick could feel every hair on the back of his neck bristle. "How do you know Mr. Sanders, sir?"

"I already told you!" He screamed. "He's my fucking lover!"

"Are you Paul?" Nick's voice was suddenly edged with rage. "You sick bastard! What the fuck did you do to him?"

"Who the fuck are you?" Paul crowded the smaller man.

Nick stood his ground. "I'm the guy who knows Greg's NOT your lover and you're a fucking coward who beats up guys half your size when you don't get your way."

Nick pushed Paul down the stairs hard. Luckily, there was a uniformed officer heading up who caught the man before he tumbled down the stairs.

Nick grabbed Paul and shoved him face first into the wall. "Cuff him, Logan. He's now a person of interest in the assault of CSI Sanders."

"What?" Paul screamed as the cuffs were locked into place. "You fucker!" He screamed at Nick as the officer led him away.

"Stokes!"

He heard Brass yelling from below. _Fuck!_ He started talking fast as Brass approached. "He's Greg's abusive ex-boyfriend who has been stalking him. He was here last night and beat the crap out of him. Jim, you need to hold onto him until we know what's going on here."

"You're off the case, Nick." Brass was not even trying to be calm. "Hell, Stokes, you're not on ANY case until we figure out why Sanders is ID-ing YOU as his attacker. Get out of here before you fuck up the investigation!"

"Just hold him. Ask Greg about the other night - can you hold him if Greg tells you about what that prick did to him the other night?" Nick wasn't above begging. "Please, Jim. That guy could have..." His voice caught in his throat. "...god...what happened to him, him? Is Greg okay?"

"Nick, I can't talk to you about the case..."

"Damn it, Jim! Greg's not a fucking case! He's...he's my...I..." _What the hell are we to each other?_ Nick deflated. "...He's my friend, Jim. I...I care about him."

"I know. We all do." Brass Gripped Nick's shoulder supportively. "Okay. I'll ask Greg about the tank as soon as he can complete a sentence. Until then, I'll put a 12-hour hold on him as a person of interest Now leave, Nick. Before you give his lawyer enough to get him walking before he's even charged. Go. Home."

_Oh god. What happened to him?_ He shook off Brass' touch. "I'll be at the lab."

"Nick..." Brass' tone warned.

"I'm a person of interest, too. Remember? I'll make it easy for you and stick around the lab." Nick stomped away with tears slowly rolling down his cheeks.

Brass sighed. The weight of the situation was unbearable. More than that it was unbelievable. He couldn't imagine a man like Nick Stokes doing what Greg had accused him of doing. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed.

"Cath? Yeah, it's me. Do me a favor and keep your eye on Nick today. Until you hear otherwise, he is your only assignment." He said before he filled her in on the gruesome details.

By the time he made it back into the bloody bedroom, he had finished his conversation with a very distraught Catherine Willows. He carefully stepped into the room. "Hey."

Grissom didn't look up from the blood splatter he was swabbing. "It's just you and me, Jim. I promised Greg. So can you do me a favor and start taking pictures so I can start collecting?"

"Sure." Brass sounded weary. "Willows just alibied Nick."

That got Grissom's attention. "What did she say?"

"They've been tied up at a scene all night. Nick just left the lab less than an hour ago." Jim explained. "What the hell is going on here?"

Grissom turned back to his tedious work. "That's what we're here to find out, Jim."

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Nick sat in his truck. He couldn't even remember how he ended up here. The position of the sun against the building offered him some slight relief from the heat by shading his section of the parking lot. The truck was still sweltering, but he was too far gone to think through the process of opening his window.

_What the fuck happened? _ His imagination came up with hundreds of horrifying scenarios. He needed to see Greg. He needed to touch him - make sure he was breathing. Nick needed to find out why Greg believes he was the man who attacked him.. _I can't believe this is happening._

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, trying in vain to stop the visions of a battered, broken Greg. He couldn't stop the image of a very large, angry Paul beating the beautiful man he hoped would be his boyfriend one day. When the passenger door opened, he didn't even hear it. He didn't hear it close either.

"Nicky?" Catherine said as soothingly as she could. "Are you okay?"

Nick's face contorted with the tears he had been holding back for the last hour. "No."

The sight of it broke her heart. She reached for Nick's hand and pulled him into her arms. "I could tell."

As he tried to gain some control of his cascading emotions, he spoke into Catherine's shoulder. "No one will tell me anything. What happened? I just need to know he's okay."

"He's..." She couldn't lie, Greg was far from okay, but she knew what Nick needed to know. "...it's not like Rick."

She felt his body melt from relief. "Ohthankgod."

"I just talked to Brass." Catherine kept her voice calm. "Greg's at the hospital now. His injuries aren't life threatening."

Nick pulled himself from Catherine's embrace. His eyes were clouded and his head was aching from the clenching of his jaw. "They said he...when Gris asked him...they said he identified me..." Nick caught a sob in his throat. "...how could he...I don't understand...Cath?"

"I don't know, Nicky. Greg's been through a terrible trauma. He may be confused or...I just don't know." Cath stroked his arm gently. "But you were with me all night, Nick. We know you couldn't be responsible for..."

"But _**HE**_ thinks I did it. _**HE**_ believes I hurt him. I don't even know what happened to him - but he thinks I did it!" Nick was almost screaming. "Please tell me what happened to him!"

"Nicky..." She was interrupted by her ringing cell phone. She looked at Nick apologetically before she answered. "Willows."

Nick listened to her side of the conversation hoping he could figure out what happened to Greg.

"Are you sure?" She said. "That can't be. Run it again." She barked. "I don't care if you ran it three times - run it AGAIN!"

After she hung up she sat in silence - staring at nothing at all.

It made Nick even more nervous. "Cath?"

"I shouldn't be talking to you about this...but I just can't believe...I mean you and I were together all night. There's no way you could have..." Catherine turned to look at her friend. "The Quick-Run DNA came back compliance. How the fuck did your DNA end up inside of Greg?"

That answered a lot of questions. Nick felt sick. "In...inside? Ohgod...Cath...was he...did someone...rape Greg?"

"The evidence says _**you**_ raped Greg." Cath said without accusing. "How is this possible, Nicky?"

"There's got to be a mistake..." Nick said while still grappling with the new information about what Greg had endured.

"She ran it three times, Nick. Ecklie's going to blow a gasket - that's expensive testing." She looked at Nick pointedly. "The specimen taken from Greg matches your profile of record. So unless your original sample was contaminated..."

"Oh no." Nick froze. "This can't be happening again." His gut clenched as he tried to keep the bile from rising in his throat. _Ohgodno._

"What?" She gripped his arm hard. "Nicky, if you want to keep that pretty ass out of prison you better start talking."

"I think I know what's going on." Nick almost choked on his words as a fresh and steady stream of tears started rolling down his face. "It's all my fault." He pulled his phone from the cup holder. "I need to make a phone call."

TBC


	3. Chapter 5  Layers of Trauma

Title: Cowards - Part 5

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~2400

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

Greg woke up slowly. He knew by the smell and the annoying beeping that he was in the hospital.

Again.

Everything hurt.

_Nick._ The ache in his chest was excruciating. _Oh god._ _Nick._

He tried to convince himself that it was a terrible dream. Believing Nick - sweet, protective, adorable Nicky - could do something so vile and hateful to him was too...unfathomable.

But his body told him it wasn't a horrible nightmare. It was real.

_Why?_

"Greg?"

_Did I say that out loud?_

He felt a warm, familiar hand gently slide over his wrist. He wanted to recoil from the touch, but he found that after the initial shock - it actually felt comforting.

"Greg? Are you awake?"

He struggled to open his sticky eyes, blinking against the harsh light before he could focus on the body that belonged to the voice. He did his best to offer his visitor a small smile, but he only managed a grimace. "I thought you made your escape already." His voice sounded like his throat was full of gravel.

"I have a reason to stay for a while."

"Grissom misses you." He gripped onto Sarah's hand.

Sarah smiled sadly. "Gil's not the reason, Greg."

"I missed you, too." He tried - he really did - but something about Sarah being there made it impossible to not give into the tears. "Am I dreaming? Please tell me this isn't real."

"I wish I could." She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it. "I'm so sorry."

"Where is...I figured they'd want to question me right away." He didn't want to say it, but it really hurt that no one was here except for Sarah.

"They're at the lab with Nick." She explained simply and felt a pang of regret when she noticed Greg pale at the mention of Nick's name. "They have a new lead they want to follow before they talk to you."

Greg's brow furrowed in confusion, which pulled the stitches on his temple and reminded him of what his friend - his almost lover - had done to him. "New lead? But...I already told them...I mean..."

"I know, Greg. They'll explain it all when they get here." Sarah soothed and wished she could just tell him the few details she already knew - but she knew it was better to wait until all the loose ends were tied up tightly.

"You don't believe me?" Greg asked sheepishly.

Sarah squeezed his hand. "Of course I do. Everyone does."

"Then why..."

"Greg. I know this is going to sound crazy...but...there are things you don't know that will change your perspective." Sarah soothed. "I'll sit with you until they get here. Okay?"

"I don't understand." Greg felt betrayed.

"I know." Sarah kept her grip firm. "But you will."

She grabbed his arm before he could dial. "This is no time to make a phone call, Nick!"

Nick yanked his arm free and opened his flip phone. "I need to check on something."

"Nick! What the hell is going on?"

"You said it came back compliance. A match to me..."

"We'll run a more reliable procedure of course, bit the Quick-Run points to you."

"Tell me what other explanation there could be for that, Cath? I was with you - _**all night**_ - so what other explanation could there be for a perfect DNA match?" Nick was starting to get agitated with the dawning realization.

"Well unless you have an identical twin hidden away somewhere..." She saw the confirmation in his eyes. "Are you telling me you're a twin? Why didn't I ever know that before?"

"Let's just say I like to live in denial that I share a double helix with the bastard." Nick clenched his jaw as he dialed.

Catherine sat flabbergasted as she absorbed the new information. "And you honestly think your own brother is capable of..."

"Hey, MaryEllen." Nick said in an exaggerated southern accent. "Yeah - it's me. Uh huh...yeah, maybe next year...mmmm, really...that tall already..."

Catherine slapped his arm impatiently. This was no time for an oration of the family newsletter.

"Look, MaryEllen, I actually only have a couple of minutes left on my break and I was hoping to talk to Nate real quick."

Catherine watched as Nick listened to whatever his sister-in-law was saying. _Nate? _ _Nick and Nate? Weird._

"I know it's been a few years...mmhm...well I'll-be-damned! No...I haven't seen him yet. You said he was going to stop by early this morning? Maybe he decided to sleep for a bit instead." There was a long pause as the woman on the other side of the conversation rattled on in a high pitched squeal that Catherine could hear on the her side of the truck. "I know...I understand it's been too long...mmhm...I guess I'll have to just deal with that when I see him. Yeah? Do you know where he's staying? (forced chuckle) Of course - his wife would definitely know where her husband is. Alright. Yeah. Okay - tell them I love them, too. Okay. Bye bye."

She could hear the woman still talking as he hung up.

_Oh god._ Nick closed his eyes in defeat and sighed. "Circus Circus, room 15-445."

Catherine flipped her own phone open and hit redial. "Hey Gil - it's me. Did you lift any prints at the scene? You better do it then - it may be the only way to get a definitive ID on the suspect. I'll fill you in later - just make sure you pull every print you can find."

Nick's slammed his head onto the head rest. He had already outed Greg when he told Brass that Paul was Greg's ex. It just came out before he had time to think about it. And now he was going to out himself. He hadn't felt this helpless and out of control since the box. "I'm not sure prints will help, Cath."

"Of course they will. Phenotypes are the only variant in identical twins. Prints are the easiest phenotype to compare, so unless you've been in Greg's bedroom..." She watched Nick turn to look at her with a silent, resigned confession. "Why were you in Greg's bedroom, Nick?" She asked cautiously.

"Sometimes when I'm hanging out at his place, I end up crashing on his couch. A few times I've woken up in the middle of the day and sat in his room to watch him sleep..." Nick eyes were pooled with liquid pain and the cab of the truck became dense with palpable tension. "Please don't make me say it, Cath."

'Fuck! Nicky...: Catherine sighed with frustration. "Let's go inside, Nicky. You have a few details to fill in before we go busting down your brother's hotel room door." Catherine opened the door, feeling relieved to feel the rush of fresh air hit her face. "Now, Nick!" She demanded before she closed the door.

The attending physician had given Brass copies of the examination records and took the time to explain in detail the extent of Greg's trauma - the trauma one could see that is. His face would probably be scarred for life. The scars he already carried as a souvenir from his lab rat days were now stitched back together after being repeatedly pummeled with a yet to be identified weapon. He had a circle of dark, finger shaped bruises around his neck that most likely came from the same hands as the bruises on his face. The trauma to his anus and rectum were severe, but fortunately wouldn't require surgical repair. Medically speaking, Greg was lucky.

He stood at the foot of Greg's hospital bed taking inventory of the young CSI's visible injuries. He knew that those weren't the wounds that would invade Greg's nightmares and he wasn't sure he was ready to hear the details of the kid's ordeal. When Greg stirred, Brass moved to hide the fact that he had been watching the man sleep. He figured that would feel more than violating after what Greg had been through.

When Greg opened his eyes he saw a nervous looking Jim Brass standing against the far wall of the small hospital room. He wasn't sure what to say. He was another case to be solved now. He hated that. "Hey." That seemed like a reasonable greeting.

"Greg." Brass tried to keep it professional. "Do I need to get a female officer..."

"No." Greg interrupted him abruptly. "I'm not going to break at the sight of every man I see." He couldn't stop himself from sounding a bit petulant.

Brass wanted to be anywhere but in that room. "Do you think you could answer a couple of questions?"

Greg crossed his arms protectively over his chest. "I thought you had DNA."

"We do."

"So why do you need to ask questions?" He did his best not to sound anxious.

Brass pointed to the chair next to Greg's bed. "Can I sit for a few?"

"Sure."

Brass stepped closer and sat in the small chair. "Before we talk about what happened this morning, can I ask you about Paul?"

Greg's forehead furrowed in confusion. "Paul?"

"Yeah. Paul Sorrenson." Brass read from his small note pad. "What can you tell me about him?"

"What does Paul have to do with..."

"He showed up at the scene...um, at your apartment...and he was taken in as a person of interest. Before I cut him loose I wanted to know if there is any other reason we may want to keep him where he is." Brass saw Greg contemplating.

"Paul has nothing to do with this." He said a little too forcefully. There was no way he wanted to be seen as more of a victim because he let his ex-boyfriend beat him up. _Twice. Fucking hell._

"Okay, Greg. About this morning..." Brass squirmed nervously in the chair. "What do you remember, Greg?"

"Enough to last a lifetime." His voice cracked a little.

Brass changed tactics to get Greg talking. "What time did the suspect arrive at your apartment?"

Greg looked at his hands. "It was mid-morning."

"Were you expecting the suspect or was it a surprise visit?"

"We...planned to meet." Greg avoided calling it a date - for some reason he still felt protective of Nick and didn't want to out him. He understood the flawed logic but couldn't change it.

"What was the suspect wearing?"

Greg's hands wrung together nervously. "He...um...jeans...dark...dark jeans and a shirt...blue I think...yeah, blue...a cowboy shirt...with pearly snaps instead of buttons..."

Brass waited a few seconds to give Greg time to put his thoughts together. When he didn't speak again he asked, "Anything else you can remember?"

"Belt." Greg whispered.

Brass leaned closer. He's been a cop for a long time and knew that Greg was remembering something significant by the tone of his voice. "What about his belt, Greg?"

Greg's eyes welled. He spoke quietly. "The buckle. Heavy...metal... shaped like Texas." Greg swallowed the giant lump in his throat. "Hurt."

Brass made a mental note to collect any belt buckles they found in Nate Stokes' hotel room. "Good, Greg. You're doing real good."

"Did he say why he did it?" Greg asked while he stared solemnly at the wall. "Did he tell you I'm a dirty, little fag?" He wasn't sure if he was angry or heartbroken, but his tone was filled with a confused rage.

"Greg..." Brass' phone rang before he could respond to the painful revelation. Before he could give Greg a little piece of his shattered world back by explaining that it wasn't Nick. He answered gruffly. "Brass."

Greg could only hear the occasional grunt as Brass listened to his caller. He took a quick peek at his colleague and noticed that the man looked older and really, really tired. Greg had a sudden pang of guilt for once again being at the center of another emotional firestorm for his beloved work-family.

"I'm on my way. Don't make a move until I get there - understood?" Brass said firmly.

He pocketed his phone and stood to leave. "I gotta go, Greg. I'll be back later and fill you in."

"Shouldn't I be filling you in?" Greg asked sarcastically.

Brass only sighed. "Sometimes it doesn't work that way, Greg. You of all people should know that."

"We're not that close. There's no twin bonding happening between us, that's for sure." Nick sipped the sludge they tried to pass off as coffee.

"You said this can't be happening _**again**_." Catherine reminded him. Her hand rested on his shoulders to assure him that he was amongst friends. "Has he done this before, Nick?"

Grissom sat across the table. Nick felt like one of the man's prized cockroaches.

"Not exactly." Nick said while he peered into his coffee.

"Well, why don't you tell us exactly what he _**did**_ do before?" Grissom chimed in.

Nick took a deep breath. He never thought he would be having this conversation with anyone - especially colleagues. "Broken bones, mostly."

Jackie barged into the conference room without apology. "We got a hit. Apparently Nate Stokes applied for expedited clearance with TSA. Part of the process is finger printing. We got him."

"I'll call Brass. He's at the hospital and can probably meet us at Circus Circus in less than 20 minutes." Catherine said as she stormed out of the room with her phone on her ear.

"Is he talking to Greg?" Nick looked at Grissom solemnly. "Is he okay?"

"Are you okay?" Grissom asked.

Nick bristled. "I'm not the one who...I didn't get...assaulted."

"Your trauma is different, Nick. That doesn't mean it's not real and valid and painful." Grissom stood to join Catherine before she left without him. "We'll talk later, Nick."

Nick watched his mentor leave. He didn't really want to talk later. He didn't really want to ever talk and was fairly certain that nothing would _**ever **_be okay again.

TBC


	4. Chapter 6   Cain and Able

Title: Cowards - Part 6

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~3000

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

000000000000000000

He had always felt different. While his brother was rough and tumble - Nick was sensitive and gentle. While his brother went hunting, Nick built volcanoes and solar powered can openers for science fairs. When his brother started drooling over girls in gym class, Nick struggled not to peek at boys in the locker room.

And when Nate caught Nick wearing nothing but bits of hay stuck to his sweaty skin while his high school boyfriend fucked his brains out in the barn - well, it only took two days for Nate and his friends to make it perfectly clear that Nick was never going to do it again.

When he told his parents why he came home covered in bruises and abrasions and limping from the painful swelling in his battered balls they immediately called Nate into the room to get to the bottom of it. When Nate explained _**why**_ he kicked the shit out of his brother, their parents just shook their heads with disappointment and told Nicky not to provoke his brother again. That was Stoksian for _'you got what you deserved and don't let it happen again'_.

So he didn't.

When he called his boyfriend to tell him they couldn't see each other again, Dillan's mom answered and he was told to stay away. They moved two weeks later.

He never saw Dillan again.

He was too afraid to ask Nate what he and his friends had done - but he knew they had done _**something**_.

Something really, really bad.

So yeah - Nick didn't let it happen again.

He now stood less than ten feet from his brother. They were only separated by a sound proof wall with a piece of sound proof glass cut into it.

_My twin. Identical in every way. _

A man with whom he had once shared a womb - still shared genetics that matched perfectly - and who now sat in the same chair as the vilest of humanity that Nick had worked his entire adult life to bring to justice. No matter how he felt about his brother, there was no way around the fact they were part of each other - and it made him sick with guilt.

He hadn't seen his mirror image in close to five years.

And that was only because he had been buried in a box and the family expected Nate to make a showing at the ranch when they had insisted Nick go there to convalesce for a week.

Before that - they had only crossed paths on the occasional holiday back at the ranch - the handful Nick hadn't been able volunteer to work so one of his workmates could spend the holiday with family. They all thought he was just a thoughtful colleague. But if the truth were to be told - t_**hey**_ were doing _**him**_ a favor. As each year passed he dreaded going home more and more.

But no one knew.

He was very good at pretending.

Hell, he'd been pretending his whole damn life.

He didn't want to pretend anymore.

And he was well on his way to living his _**real**_ life. He had tackled the nerves and fear - the shackles named Stokes - and had finally come to terms with the fact that he _**wanted**_ Greg Sanders - and not just for hot, Greg flavored sex. He wanted him in a forever kind of way.

And once again Nate stormed into his world and took it all away. But this time Nick was older and wiser and in much more need of being loved by someone he could actually love back. This time Nate violated the one person Nick had ever _**really**_ felt much of anything for.

Well...since Dillan anyway.

Nick had never wanted to kill anyone before...except for Keenan...

...he wasn't sure he could stop himself this time.

_A modern day Cain and Able. Which one am I?_

He watched Catherine and Brass enter the interrogation room and Grissom had joined Nick in the observation room. "You shouldn't be in here, Nicky."

"I need to know what he did to Greg." Nick grimaced. "It's not like I can ever ask Greg himself."

"Nick..."

"Don't." Nick warned. "You and I both know whatever Greg and I had going on is over. I'm not even sure he'll be able to work with me again."

Grissom placed a supportive hand on Nick's shoulder. "Greg won't..."

"Seriously, Gris. Don't." Nick shrugged off Grissom's hand. He felt untouchable at the moment. "I'll change shifts if he needs it. Okay? Let me at least do that much for him."

Grissom heard the emotion in Nick's voice and dropped it for now. "If I see that you're not holding it together, I'm going to haul you out of here myself."

"Understood."

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He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

_Nick has a twin?_

He wasn't sure how to feel. His flashes of memories and the nightmares that had already started every time he closed his eyes are all about _**Nick**_. When he feels angry - he's angry at _**Nick**_. When he feels betrayed - it's _**Nick**_ who holds the saber piercing his soul. He wasn't sure how to change that. He wasn't sure he _**could **_change that.

Because when he lived through and survived the most terrifying twenty minutes of his life at the mercy of the hands of evil..._**It - Was - Nick**_.

Sarah watched him struggle and wanted to be back in her jungle so she didn't have to see it. When Grissom called her and told her it was over, he suggested that it might be easier to hear coming from Sarah.

She thought so too - but it didn't make it any easier on _**her.**_

"Why?" It was the only thing Greg could articulate at the moment.

Sarah grabbed his hand and felt him squeeze hard. "I don't know, Greg. They're trying to find that out right now."

"Who's handling the interrogation?" It seemed to help him manage his swirling emotions to talk about it as if it were just another case.

"Brass and Catherine."

"Oh." Greg looked at Sarah for the first time since he heard the word 'twin'. "That's good."

"Yeah, Greg. That's good."

"Where's...um..."

"Nick's there too. Grissom is keeping an eye on him." Sarah explained gently. "Gil said Nick's pretty messed up."

"I'm sure." Greg said and cursed himself for thinking that Nick had no right to be messed up. He wasn't the one with the mangled back and burning, throbbing ass and a face that would always bear the mark of a rapist. He hated himself for feeling that way and wasn't sure how to fix it, so he kept it to himself and asked the least painful and most obvious question. "Did you know he had a twin?"

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"So your flight arrived the evening of the 7th. You checked into your hotel, called your wife and spoke for 30 minutes, then spent the next twelve hours gambling..." Catherine was interrupted.

"Don't forget the strippers. I spent a few hours with some really hot whores." Nate gloated.

She hated being interrupted. "...was that before or after you talked to your wife and said nitey-nite to your children?"

He wasn't even man enough to be ashamed. Brass took over when he noticed Catherine sharpening her metaphorical claws. It was too soon to go off on the guy.

"When did you decide to stop by to visit your look-alike?" Brass asked with feigned apathy. He felt disturbed by the man who looked like one of his most honorable of colleagues.

"From the second I found out the conference was in Vegas. Just like I said to my wife - Nick needs to be put in his place. It's like he ran away from home or something. I was planning on telling him to stop being a dick and visit his damn family once in a while." He said it like it was his rightful duty.

"So you were upset about the fact that your brother hadn't been home in a while and you were planning on confronting him at his place of employment?" Brass summarized.

"Well - the place of employment thing was a last minute decision. I figured he'd be more cooperative - you know, keep things friendly - in front of the people he works with. Nick's always been sensitive to that sort of thing."

_Smug, manipulative bastard._ Catherine seethed. "Did your parents or other siblings know..."

"Nah." Nate leaned back in his chair. "No one seems to even notice he's not around most of the time. That's not the point though. It's family and Nick needs to be loyal to that. Maybe if he showed his face more often they would miss him more."

Even though Nick hadn't wanted to be with his family - it still hurt to hear that they weren't really that affected by his absence. He wrapped his arms around himself protectively and took a deep breath to prepare himself for what was coming.

Brass leaned onto the table. "We talked to your brother. He said he didn't see you yesterday. He was actually quite surprised to hear that you were in Vegas. So what happened? Change your mind?"

Nate looked him in the eye. He showed no fear and no remorse. His eyes were almost black and held none of the overwhelming emotion that Nick could barely contain in his matching pair. Brass realized that if he only concentrated on the eyes - the man no longer resembled Nick at all.

"I didn't change my mind until I pulled into the parking lot of the building he works at and saw him being violated by some sick fucker...the bastard had his hands all over Nicky - touching him and kissing him. That's when the plan changed. There was no way I was letting that happen again. No fucking way."

For the first time since they cuffed him in his hotel room, Nate looked on the edge. His tightly controlled emotions were spilling over in buckets. Brass picked up on the shifting tension. "I take it you're not a fan of your brother's boyfriend."

"Nick doesn't have a boyfriend. He's just weak. Easily taken advantage of and sometimes he just needs to be reminded to stay on the right path." Nate was now gripping the edge of the table tightly.

"His right path...or yours?" Catherine asked.

Nick was a churning cauldron of mixed emotions. Hearing Brass describe Greg his boyfriend was a shock - a _**pleasant **_shock - it just sounded exactly right. Then to hear his brother equate it to a weakness - to insinuate that Greg was some sort of svengali - that Nick was powerless. The contradictions were making his head spin.

"There's only one right path." Nate almost growled.

Catherine ignored him and opened the folder that she had been holding. She pulled out Greg's CSI ID picture. It had been blown up to an 8 by 10. She slid it across the table toward her suspect. "Do you recognize this man?"

Nate looked at the picture without touching it, as if he would be contaminated by the image alone. "Yeah. That's the guy who was molesting my brother."

_Molesting? _ Nick felt bile rising in his throat. _Molesting? How could he say that?_ Nick's building rage warred with his sudden need to throw up. His entire family knows about it - the baby sitter - and it was always Nate who used the information as a weapon. But to hear him equate the loving touch of Greg to the touch of the woman who stole his childhood was..."I'll kill him."

"Nicky." Grissom warned.

Nick didn't realize he spoke out loud and just ignored the man behind him and continued to stare through the glass.

"What about this?" She asked as she slid one of the crime scene photos across the table. It was a shot of Greg's face. Grissom took it right before they loaded Greg into the ambulance.

Nate looked at the picture and smiled. "Looks like he got what he deserved."

"According to the evidence collected at the scene and victim, _**you**_ gave it to him." Brass chimed in. "Looks like you took a stroll down the wrong path yourself. Maybe it was about your brother strolling down the path that you wanted to stroll down yourself. Were you jealous? Did you want a little of his action?"

Nate lunged for Brass, screaming and spitting. "FUCK YOU! I ain't no FAG! Nick's the one groping the sick fuck in the parking lot - if there was any _**evidence**_ left inside of that faggot it was Nick who put it there!"

"Who said anything about finding something _**inside**_ of the victim?" Brass asked smugly.

They could tell by the change in Nate's body language that he was unraveling. Catherine and Brass exchange a knowing glance before the ramped it up.

"But you guessed right, Nate. We found all kinds of evidence inside of the victim. And it matched your brother perfectly - but you knew it would, didn't you? Even a dumb-ass like yourself understands all the ways you and your brother are identical." Brass picked up a picture from the open folder and walked around the table until he was standing behind Nate. He leaned over him, resting one palm on the table top before placing the picture in front of the nervous man. "You know what that is?"

Nate stared at the image. Speechless.

"That right there is what we like to call a slam dunk." Brass leaned closer. "You forgot one important detail about identical twins...not everything is a perfect match. You're looking at a fingerprint, my friend. _**Your**_ finger print. This particular finger print was found on the door knob of the victim's bed room. Unless you have a reasonable explanation for it - I'd say we have a bit of incriminating circumstances here."

"I bet Nick's prints are all over the place.."

"Yeah...they were..." Brass stood and stepped to the other side of the table again. "But we expected that. Nick and the victim are friends. They hang out together. _**You**_, however..."

"Okayokayokay..." Nate was suddenly agitated. "So I was there. I admit it. I followed the fag home and I told him to stay the fuck away from my brother. That's it. I just wanted to intimidate the skinny little freak." They could see Nate's wheels spinning. "Maybe Nick saw me leave...maybe he was pissed that the fag was cheating on him...maybe he was teaching his little fuck buddy a lesson..."

Catherine leapt from her seat and slammed both palms on the table in front of the suspect. It startled him into silence. "Explain this..." She held a picture of Nate's belt - a giant, bloody buckle in the shape of Texas dangling on one end. The next image she shoved in front of his face was a close up shot of the buckle. "We found this in you hotel room. The only finger prints we lifted from it belong to you. Do you see all that blood?" She pointed to a speck of debris near the pointy tip at the bottom of the metal Texas." "See that? That's a piece of skin. You already know who the blood and skin belongs to - because you didn't just intimidate the victim. You beat him and you raped him and you left him for dead."

Nate leapt from his seat. "I never meant to kill him!" Nate screamed. Once it was out of his mouth he closed his eyes and sunk back into the chair. "Shit." He whispered as he silently berated himself for waiving his right to a lawyer.

Nick was out of the room before Grissom had a chance to react. He busted through the door of the interrogation room and slammed his startled brother violently against the far wall. "I could kill you with my bare hands." He screamed.

Nate just looked at his brother. "Yeah. Right. You're too much of a coward..."

"And you're not?" Nick said while slamming Nate's head into the wall. "He's half your size!"

"He needed to understand the rules." Nate seethed.

"The rules? You mean the rules about fags?" Nick's hand wrapped around his brother's neck. "I remember those rules. YOUR rules. But you violated them yourself when you RAPED Greg!"

"Greg? Is that his name?" Nate stayed hostile and intimidating despite the fact that he was being strangled by his own brother.

Nick felt hands on his back as Grissom and Catherine tried to pull him off. He didn't fight it - he suddenly felt every bit of strength escape through the gaping wound in his soul. Once he was standing a few feet away from his panting brother he spoke through a wave of emotion that spilled down his cheeks. "Why Nate? Why would you do that to someone who never did a damn thing to you?"

Nate glared at his brother while rubbing the red marks that were quickly turning into bruises around his neck. "Because I saw how you kissed him - the way you talked to him and touched him. You fucking _**love**_ that faggot and I'm not having a fag for a brother."

_Ohmygod...it's all my fault._ "But hurting Greg won't change who I am, Nate." Nick shook his head and said the words he had held inside of himself and guarded for his entire life. "I'm gay and you can't un-gay me."

Nate leered at his naive, stupid brother. "Maybe. But at least I made sure he won't want _**you**_ anymore."

TBC


	5. Chapter 7 Picking up pieces

Title: Cowards - Part 7

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~4000

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

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Sarah had only been gone an hour when he heard the door whoosh open. He wasn't in the mood for company so he kept his eyes closed and hoped whoever it was would go away. He was still embroiled in the process of absorbing everything that had happened over the last 24-hours.

He kept his breathing slow and even, feigning sleep, as he heard heavy footsteps moving toward his bed. His heart raced when he realized who his visitor was.

"Jesus. Baby."

Greg mustered all his will to remain still when he felt fingers brushing against the stitched would on his face. He begged in his mind for the man to go away and leave him alone.

"You should have listened to me, Baby. This would have never happened if you were mine." Paul purred. "We'll make sure to fix that as soon as you're better."

"He'll never be yours, Asshole."

Greg couldn't stop himself from gasping - suddenly wide-eyed - when he heard that voice. "Nick?"

Nick stood in the doorway, glaring at Paul. "You need to leave before I have you arrested again."

"For what?" Paul's hand wrapped around Greg's wrist. "I haven't done anything."

Greg tried to pull free from Paul's grasp but found that he was too weak. "Damn it, Paul, let go!"

"He asked you to let go." Nick took one step forward, but wouldn't come any closer.

"What are you going to do about it?" Paul said cockily.

Suddenly Brass was in the room too and Greg's head was spinning trying to keep up.

Brass didn't hesitate to step inside of the room and had Paul's other arm twisted behind his back before any of them knew what was happening. "I'll tell you what _**I'm**_ going to do about it...as soon as I have your ass sitting back in a cozy little holding cell."

"For what?" Paul hissed and struggled to get free. "Visiting my boyfriend?"

Greg took advantage of Paul's predicament and yanked his wrist free. "I'm _**not**_ your boyfriend!" _What else can possibly go wrong today!_

"It's up to you, Greg." Brass said. "Give me a reason to take this guy down."

Greg's head was spinning. In the matter of seconds his world exploded into a whirlwind of both old and new painful and humiliating memories. His room was filled with men who were either responsible for, or witness to, brutality against him. And Nick. Greg wasn't sure in which category Nick fell. He certainly witnessed some of what Paul had done. In Greg's mind - Nick was also responsible for the most heinous betrayal he had ever experienced - even if he now knew Nick didn't do it - it didn't change the gut reaction.

"Can I get a restraining order?" Greg asked Brass while looking apprehensively at Nick.

Brass was confused. "Against Paul Sorrenson, right?"

Greg realized that he hadn't taken his eyes off of Nick and what that may imply. "Yes. I don't want Paul anywhere near me ever again."

"You heard him." Brass said gruffly as he pushed Paul out of the room.

Once they were the only two left in the room, Nick cleared his throat nervously. The intensity of Greg's eyes was almost debilitating. He struggled to come up with something to say but couldn't think of a thing that could adequately convey how he felt.

"Good timing." Greg managed to say without breaking.

Nick nodded sadly.

Greg tried to lighten the heavy tension. "I'm starting to wonder if God taped a kick-me sign to my back."

The attempt at humor didn't help either of them.

Nick fought the nausea that the the sight of his friend induced. _It's all my fault._

"Why are you here, Nick?" Greg asked with a slight quaking of his voice.

Nick took a step back. "I just wanted...needed to see for myself...I've been so scared. No one would really tell me anything except you were alive. I needed to see."

"You've seen." Greg hated how angry he sounded. "I don't want to see you. I can't."

"I understand, Greg." Nick's eyes welled. "I'm so fucking sorry."

And even though Greg knew Nick was truly sorry - that Nick carried all of the guilt that never belonged to him to begin with - Greg couldn't stand to look at him. Couldn't tolerate the sound of his voice - the slight accent and the buttery way he strung his words together. It was just too much, too soon. "Thank you, Nick. Um...for Paul I mean."

Sarah appeared behind Nick and looked between the two men nervously. "Hey guys."

Nick's eyes looked hollow when he turned to face her. "Hey, Sarah. I was just leaving."

She watched the broken man walk away and felt like crying for both of her friends. But Greg was her priority for now - Nick would have to wait. Sarah sat in the same chair she had been sitting in since Greg was brought in and sighed. "You okay?"

Greg nodded. "You missed a lot."

"I was only gone an hour!" She chuckled.

"Yeah - it seems like my life has been launched into a high powered shit storm." Greg wasn't kidding. "Paul showed up."

"Paul? Paul, the guy with the hair trigger, _**that **_Paul?" Sarah couldn't believe her friend's luck. "What did he want?"

"Don't know." Greg shrugged. "Nick showed up right after and went all caveman on him and then Brass showed up and hauled him out." Greg looked so far away. "Then you showed up." He added without much emotion.

She decided to change the subject. "I need to leave in a few days."

"I figured..."

"I wanted to get your thoughts on something." Sarah moved to sit on the edge of Greg's bed so she could keep him focused. "When I left I couldn't really sell my place - bad market and all - so I rented out. The renter moved last month, so it's sitting empty. I haven't been able to find anyone I feel comfortable with yet and was wondering...would you like to rent it? It's pretty cheap and it would make me feel a lot better knowing you're there instead of someone I don't really know."

_Why does everything make me cry?_ "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack."

"Thank you." Greg gushed before he lunged at his friend and crushed her in a fierce hug. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Greg." Sarah felt her own eyes welling up. "So. Much."

After several minutes of savoring Greg's warmth - feeling grateful for his survival - Sarah filled him in on the rest of the plan. "If you're okay with it - everyone at the lab wants to help get you moved. You're being discharged tomorrow. We could have you packed up and moved in before you're done signing the paperwork."

Greg wanted to kiss her for being so incredibly intuitive. "That would be...unbelievably welcomed."

"Awesome. I'll call Archie and let him know that Operation Get Greg Moved is on." Sarah grabbed both of Greg's hands. "I'm pulling my bed out of storage for you. Is that cool?"

His answer came in the form of another bone crushing embrace.

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"Momma?"

Nick wasn't sure he was even awake yet, let alone standing at his front door looking at the worried, tired face of his mother.

"Don't just stand there, Nick. Move your ass and let us in." Bill spoke in his usual condescending, patronizing manner.

Nick stumbled a bit as his father pushed him aside to enter Nick's condo. His mother timidly followed her husband without looking at her son. Nick realized that he was only wearing his boxer-briefs and hurried into his room to put on something more appropriate. When he made his way back into the living room he found his parents sitting on his couch. HIs mother was wringing her hands nervously and his father was jack-hammering one leg with a scowl on his face.

"You want me to make some coffee?" He asked sheepishly.

"Coffee, Nick?" Bill Stoked seethed. "Your brother is sitting in some god-forsaken jail cell in this armpit called a city and you're worried about coffee?"

"Sorry, Dad. I'm still trying to wake up." Nick wasn't sure what he was apologizing for except for the fact that it was his father. He only had one hour of sleep over the last 36-hours, so he wasn't too quick on the draw anyway.

"How can you be sleeping when your brother has been railroaded..."

"Excuse me?" It came out before he could even think about how fucking scary it is to argue with this man. "How do you figure he was railroaded?"

"Nicky..." His mother intervened. "...one is innocent until proven guilty. Surely you don't believe your brother capable of..."

"Of course I believe he's capable, Momma. It's not like he hasn't done it before." Nick hated the way his words stung his mother. "I'm sorry, Momma."

"If you're referring you the unfortunate incident between you and that...that..." Bill's face was almost purple.

"He has a name, Dad." Nick had reached his limit. He planted his feet firmly into his carpet and channeled the steadfast courage of Warrick. "Dillan. His name is Dillan. Is that the unfortunate incident you're referring to? The one that left me too messed up to go to school for a week? You know, I still don't know what they did to Dillan - but I'm guessing it was a lot worse than getting beaten to the point of being one giant bruise." It was the first time Nick had let that niggling fear worm its way to the surface. _God...Dillan..._

"That has nothing to do with this." Bill argued with a grimace. It was still hard to imagine his young son bending over for another boy to have his way. "We're not talking about this right now, Nicholas."

Nick knew he had crossed the line when his father used his formal name. "Fine. You and Momma are welcome to stay here while you're dealing with Nate, but don't expect me to help. As far as I'm concerned, I don't have a brother named Nathaniel William Stokes."

"You're being unreasonable." Bill raised his voice. "Nate was just trying to protect his one of his own..."

"HE...WHAT?" Nick surpassed raised-voice and was well into the yelling stage. "Dad! He attacked...RAPED...someone...god...he hurt - violated - one of the kindest men I've ever known. How is that taking care of me? I LOVE Greg!"

His father recoiled. "Don't talk like that in front on your mother!"

"Jesus..." Nick threw his hand up. He had had enough.

"Nicky...sweetheart..." His mother stood to face her son with so much conflict shining in her watery eyes. "He's your blood - family - Nicky, he's literally your other half."

"I know Momma." Nick wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. "That's just something I'm going to have to learn to live with."

"You owe him your loyalty, Son." Bill said what his wife left unspoken.

"No." Nick shook his head adamantly. "I don't owe him anything. My loyalty - my moral obligation - belongs with Greg...and Dillan...it's time for some justice. For _**them**_." Nick stood a little taller. "For _**me.**_"

"Nicky, please." She grabbed his hand and begged. "Don't make us choose."

Nick looked between his parents. He knew the next four words would hurt them both, but he knew it was time to break out of the padded cell they all locked him into so long ago. "You already _**did**_ choose."

"We're meeting with the lawyer in an hour. He's with your brother now." Bill took his wife's elbow. "Come Dear, we'll get a hotel room."

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"He lawyered up."

Nick leaned on the table and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. "I heard."

The assistant district attorney assigned to Greg's case had pulled Nick into Grissom's office as soon as he had walked into the building. Patricia was young and ambitious. Nick was glad to see she was assigned to nail Nate's ass to the wall. "We were hoping for a plea - the evidence doesn't get any better. But his lawyer wants a deal."

Nick sighed. "What kind of deal?"

"Simple assault." Patricia said.

Nick waited for her to finish. "What...that's it?"

"Yep. He doesn't want anything requiring registration as a sex offender or anything that would put him behind bars. He wants probation to be served back in Texas."

"Please tell me you're not considering that." Nick looked at Grissom. "We have impeccable evidence!"

Patricia spoke up. "Look, Stokes, I want to take him down as much as you do."

"I seriously doubt that." Nick scoffed.

Patricia nodded. "I've read your statements and you're right. No one probably wants it more than you."

"Greg." Nick didn't need to say more - they all understood the meaning.

"Right." Patricia moved on. "I plan to move forward with the charges of forced entry, impersonating an officer, sexual assault with use of force, and assault with a deadly weapon with special circs of being perpetrated upon a member of law enforcement."

"I like the sound of that much better." Nick smiled ever-so-slightly.

"The prelim's tomorrow. I don't think it will have any problem getting held over. I would like to put you on the witness list when it goes to trial?" Patricia got to the point.

"Me?" Nick looked confused.

"Like I said, I read your statements. You can speak to character and violent history." Patricia explained. "You on board with that? It's a lot to think about. I know with family and..."

"I'm in." Nick interrupted. "Absolutely.

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He was starting to get used to Sarah's place. It was actually starting to feel like home. At first he felt like he was a house guest. He was surrounded by his furniture, it was his dishes in the kitchen, his crap in the bathroom, his clothes in the closet - but it still felt like something was stolen from him.

His home. His feeling of being safe. Trusting a good man.

He really missed Nick.

When he had first returned to work, Nick took all of his vacation and sick leave to give Greg a chance to settle back in without the stress of seeing the face of his attacker all day long. A month later, Nick and Grissom worked out an arrangement so that Nick staggered his shift. He started an hour later. By the time he got to the lab, Greg was already on assignment.

The system worked most of the time.

The first time they ran into each other was hard. Nick had just left the trace lab when Greg passed in the hall. Both men had their heads buried in a file and didn't see each other until they had bumped shoulders. Greg jumped back until he was plastered against the opposite wall of the wide hallway.

Nick couldn't take his eyes off of him. "Sorry Greg. Didn't see you."

"Yeah. Ditto." Greg took inventory of his feelings. His heart was racing. His palms were sweating. But it wasn't from fear and anger. He was a little confused.

Nick continued to stare. "It's been a while. You look...good..." _Damn it! Stupid thing to say, Stokes. Way to make him feel objectified._ "...sorry."

"It's okay, Nick." _You look good too. God, you shouldn't look so good. What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel...what?...hot?...for the guy who...the guy who looks looks like...fuck._

Nick knew he should just turn around and walk away. He knew he should respect the arrangement they had for working together. But he couldn't help himself. "How are you, G?"

Greg could see the sincerity in Nick's eyes. He could also see longing and guilt and shame. "I'm better, Nick. Well on my way to good."

Nick sighed audibly with relief. His voice shook and his eyes welled. "That's...that's good to hear."

Greg was frozen to the spot. He couldn't think of anything else to say but he couldn't stop looking at Nick either.

Nick ducked his head and shuffled uncomfortably before he backed away. "I gotta get this to Archie. Uh...so..."

"Yeah." Greg felt something inside of his chest pull. "Hey Nick." He called before Nick had completely walked away. After Nick turned to look at him he smiled. "It's...I'm really glad we ran into each other."

Nick nodded and turned again to walk away - hiding the tears he felt trailing down his cheeks.

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Nick walked into the locker room at the end of his shift - an hour later than the rest of his team - and was startled when he saw Greg sitting on the bench in front of the lockers.

Until tonight in the hallway, Nick hadn't seen more than glimpses of Greg since that day at the hospital. He thought Greg looked beautiful. There was one jagged scar that started at Greg's temple and ended right above the joint of his jaw. It was well healed and Nick hoped that meant the rest of him had healed well too.

Greg's heart raced the second he saw his friend walk through the door. At first, it was from a knee-jerk panic because he always saw his attacker when he looked at Nick. Then almost as suddenly, the fear drained away and he just felt heartsick. Nick looked a million years older and so...lost. Greg just wanted to grab him and hold him until the lines on his face smoothed out a little. Then the thought of touching him caused his heart to speed up again with anxiety. Greg hated it. He just wanted to have his Nicky back - but didn't know how to stop the way it felt to be near him.

"Oh god. I'm sorry, Greg." Nick backed up. "I'll come back later."

"Wait." Greg swallowed hard. "Um...how are you?"

"Good." Nick said in a scared, small voice.

Greg struggled with how to have this conversation. He hated how awkward everything felt. "You don't look so good."

"You shouldn't worry about me." Nick meant it, too.

"I'll always worry about you, Nick." Greg said with all sincerity. "Someday it won't be so hard."

Nick found that hard to believe. "I'll...come back...later."

"Wait!" Greg slid across the bench and pointed to the far end. "I'm almost finished here, stay."

"Greg..."

"Please." Greg insisted.

Nick carefully sat on the bench as far away from Greg as possible. There was so much he wanted to say - so much he wanted to ask - but he felt he had no right to any of it. He did his best not to look at Greg - but he could tell from his peripheral view of the man that Greg was staring. It confused him. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help himself - he needed Greg to understand. "I thought it was Paul." He was surprised by the tenor of his voice - sad, soft, miserable.

"Thought what was Paul?" Greg opened the door.

"When I showed up at your place...that morning...after Gris told me (swallow)...I thought it was Paul who hurt you. He showed up too and I wanted to kill him." Nick was having trouble piecing together his thoughts. This wasn't exactly what he needed Greg to know.

Greg sat quietly, giving Nick a gift Nick felt he didn't deserve.

"Then when Gris said that you...you said it was...(swallow)...me. I...god Greg...I could hardly breathe. I assumed you were so traumatized that you..."

"Nick..."

"Then everything happened so fast. It was like a nightmare." Nick took a quick look at Greg. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you any of this."

"It's okay, Nick."

"The world stopped when I realized what happened. I'll never forgive myself." Nick tried to find words. "I'm so sorry, Greg. I never...I just can't believe...it's all so fucking horrifying...god, I'm sorry."

Greg could see how hard this all had been on Nick. He knew none of it was Nick's fault and hearing how Nick felt so responsible was unbearable.

But he couldn't get past the one thing. "Nick, when I look at you I see _**him**_. I don't know how to get past that."

Nick nodded sadly. "Me either." He took in a deep lung full of air before standing to leave. "I'll come back later."

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Several days had passed since he had seen Greg. He had been a bit more careful to keep himself separated so Greg wouldn't be faced with the reminder of his worst violation. He had just clocked in when he heard his name being called from the far end of the hall. He stepped toward the voice and when he reached the man's office door he nodded in greeting and waited for his assignment.

"Nick, come in and close the door for a minute." Grissom removed his glasses and rubbed his temples.

Nick stepped inside and closed the door softly. "What's up, Boss."

"Have a seat." Grissom pointed to the chair in front of his desk.

Nick started talking fast as he sat. "Look, Gris. It was bound to happen eventually. As soon as we ran into each other I found someplace else to be. You know I would never do anything to make Greg uncomfortable."

"Nick." Grissom sighed. "Why don't you let me talk first before you start defending yourself."

Nick swallowed hard and leaned back into the chair. "Okay...shoot."

"Greg stopped by and asked me to reinstate your regular shift. He said he was ready to start getting things back to normal and that working more with you will be hard at first, but it's the only way to get things back on track." Grissom explained. "He wanted to make sure you are comfortable with that plan first though."

Nick couldn't believe his ears. He was filled with both joy and trepidation and a shameful tingling below the belt. "I'm definitely comfortable with that plan."

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"Hey, G." Nick called as he stepped over a blood pool in the doorway of a shabby hotel room. "What have we got here?"

Greg looked up from his stooped position next to a broken glass. A heavy camera hung around his neck. He smiled affectionately. "Hey Nick. About time you got here."

"Hey, Man! I'm supposed to be in REM sleep by now." It felt good to banter. "Where's the DB?"

"Check out the bathtub." Greg pointed to the door behind him.

Nick followed a clear drag mark leading from the blood pool to the bathroom. There in the tub was the body of a naked man with a several holes in his chest. He called out to his partner, "Why do you suppose he was dragged in here? That's weird."

"Yeah, it is." Greg agreed. He was now standing in the doorway. "You're the level 3, I was hoping you'd have a good answer to that question."

Nick chuckled and shook his head. "I guess we better get to work then."

Greg grinned before turning away from the bathroom to continue recording the scene. He and Nick had worked hard to get to this place. At first it was awkward - to say the least - when they started working together more often. After Nick's shift was reverted back, Grissom wouldn't assign them to work the same case. This kept the interaction to a minimum. As they both became more comfortable with each other, Grissom started assigning them together - but only with a third CSI. It took a couple of months before they were sent to scenes alone with each other.

They had yet to drive alone in the same car. That would be the next big step.

Greg just hoped Nick was as ready as he was.

TBC


	6. Chapter 8 Taking it back

Title: Cowards - Part 8

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~3400

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

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Greg knew he shouldn't be there. It was a private, family moment. But he couldn't help himself. Despite the fact that he was still working on being comfortable around Nick - he also still worried about the man. He just wanted to make sure Nick was okay. He wanted to see for himself that Nick had some support for what he was going through.

What he learned was the complete opposite.

Greg watched as Nick and his parents talked in the small conference room, He had heard that the Stokes were back in town to meet with their other son's attorney as the trial _**finally**_ drew near. Greg had come into the adjacent break room to grab a cup of coffee and noticed the family meeting taking place around the conference table. The conference room wasn't designed for privacy and Greg knew that if he stood near the vent in the shared wall between the two rooms he would hear everything.

What he heard was heartbreaking.

Nick's parents were angry. _**Very**_ angry. But not for the reasons one would assume. They were angry with _**Nick**_. They said he turned his back on his family. His father insisted that Nick had nothing to add to the trial because he wasn't a witness to the attack. "I'm saying this for the last time, Nicholas - you are _**not **_to testify against your own brother."

"I don't need to have been there. I'm a character witness. You're a judge so I don't need to explain it to you." Nick's lifetime of resentment boiled to the surface. "I owe it to Greg. It's the only thing I can do for him right now. He deserves my loyalty - he earned it."

Nick's mother cried as she gripped Nick's arm. "You're not like that Nicholas. You're not! How can you choose some stranger over your own flesh and blood?"

"He's not a stranger!" Greg watched as Nick's face twisted from pain. "And I'm not choosing. I'm just telling the truth. The truth about Nate and the truth about me. It's time for that, Mamma. We can't keep living a lie." Nick paused before adding. "And there would _**be**_ no trial if Nate would just admit to what he did - what the evidence_** proves**_ - and take a plea deal appropriate for the crimes he committed."

"Evidence? The only thing the _**evidence**_ did was make the assigned judge so skittish about liability he made it _**impossible**_ for your brother to make bail. The evidence and the truth are light years apart! I'll tell you what the _**truth**_ is, Nicholas." His father said in a stone cold tone. "I'll tell you what happened that day. _**You**_ had sex with that man. Your brother showed up later and was provoked into a physical altercation - that much is evident from the belt buckle. Then that...man...got confused - didn't know there were two of you."

"Are you insinuating..." Nick gasped. "I would _**never **_rape Greg. I would never rape ANYONE."

"Neither would your brother. Seems more likely that...well you just admitted that you're not opposed to having depraved sex with other men." His father hissed.

His father's words stung. "It's not like that. I love..."

"Come Jill." His father interrupted. "We're not listening to this. We're leaving."

Greg watched as both of Nick's parents rejected his words - rejected _**him**_ - and left with an ultimatum on the table. Stay loyal or stay out.

"I _**am**_ staying loyal. I'm sorry that disappoints you." Nick hugged his mother before she walked out of his life. "I love you Mamma."

His father said nothing as they stormed away.

Greg watched as Nick collapsed into one of the chairs and buried his face in the palms of his hands before he sobbed. Greg understood - Nick had just been orphaned at the age of 39. Nick had no family and his brother had made sure he had no love either.

As he watched Catherine step into the room and wrap Nick up in her slender arms, Greg wanted to run in there and push her away so he could throw his arms around Nick and comfort him with kisses on every part of his face.

That was the first time in a long time that Greg had felt anything close to physical for Nick. Not since before...

"I didn't know they were back in town." Catherine pulled away and opened the door for Nick to talk.

Nick nodded, his face twisted with a million different emotions - none of which were good. "They came to meet with the lawyer. Wanted to make sure Nate was getting his full protection under the law." Nick hissed. "It's all bullshit."

Catherine slid her small palm against his back. "How are you holding up?"

Nick shrugged. They sat in silence for several minutes before Nick spoke again. "Remember when I told you I used to watch him sleep?"

"Yeah. You said sometimes when you crashed on his couch you would wake up and sit on his floor." Catherine pieced together her memory of the conversation.

Greg's eyes bulged as he heard this new information. Nick never told him about the secret nocturnal observations. He wasn't sure how he felt about it.

"Yeah." Nick nodded while he looked at his clasped hands. "The first time I did it was right after he got out of the hospital - you know, after the beating in the alley."

"I remember." Catherine nodded. "You took a week off and stayed with him in case he needed help with anything."

"He had these nightmares. They were horrible. He would be screaming and fighting off something that wasn't there and it was really hard to get him out of it." Nick explained. "I hated that he had to go through that over and over again. So I would sit on his floor and watch him. When I saw him start to twitch around I would wake him up right away. It was all I could do to for him. I couldn't protect him before, but I could damn well protect him from reliving it."

"That sounds like something you would do." Catherine smiled.

"Don't pin the hero medal on me yet." Nick grimaced. "After he was well enough to be on his own, we started hanging out once in a while. We never really did much of that before, but we sort of bonded - you know? So the first time I crashed at his place I woke up and went into his room and sat on the floor and just...watched."

"You were still trying to protect him?" Catherine asked.

"Maybe." Nick pondered. "But mostly I was just looking at him. It was the only time I could really just..._look_. He's so beautiful."

Catherine squeezed his shoulder. "You love him."

"Yeah. I do love him." Nick admitted. "But that didn't give me the right to violate his privacy. I'm no better than..."

"Don't even _**think **_it, Nicky," Catherine said sternly. "You're not like that."

"How can you know that?" Nick asked with pleading eyes.

"Because I do." Catherine soothed. "It'll be okay, Nicky."

"No. It won't. It won't be okay for Greg." Nick continued to cling to his friend. "When he looks at me he'll always be reminded of what happened to him. I look just like _**him,**_ Cath. My own mother can barely tell us apart! And now I'll never know."

Catherine pulled Nick's face up so she could look at him. "Know what?"

He just looked at her with those dark, liquid eyes. "What it would be like to be loved by someone I could love back."

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He thought about it all day. He thought about the look on Nick's face when he watched his parent's walk away. He thought about the way Nick had offered to give up his shift - to work with people he had very little respect for - if that is what Greg needed to feel safe. He thought about the way Nick went after his twin in the interrogation room - Brass said Nick's arms trembled. He thought about the way Nick's voice sounded when he showed up the morning of the attack - he could hear Nick screaming from the living room to his bedroom while Greg waited for the paramedics to come - Nick screamed in a way that made it clear that he felt more for him than simple friendship. At the time it scared the shit out of him, but now it just made him sad. He thought about the kisses they shared, the way Nick looked at him when he spoke of losing Warrick, and their own countless close calls. He thought about Nick's palpable need to stop wasting time, and give in to the wants and needs that he had been denying them both for way too long. He thought about the way it felt to have Nick's smell all around him while they touched and tasted and _almost _made love.

He thought about Nick secretly sitting on his bedroom floor waiting for the first sign of distress. He thought about how it felt to hear Nick say he was beautiful...

...to hear Nick say that he loved him.

By the time he reached the locker room at the end of his long shift, Greg had made a few decisions.

He wanted Nick to know what it would be like to be loved.

He wanted to be the one to do the loving.

He was ready to take back what had been taken. There was so much he would never get back - but he was determined to get _**Nick**_ back - he wasn't going to let Nate Stokes win. He planned on stopping at Nick's place on his way home and hopefully by the end of the day, Nick and Greg would be _NickandGreg_.

When he opened his locker a bright yellow piece of folded paper fluttered to the ground. He sat on the bench and picked it up to read.

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_G,_

_There are things I never said to you and even through it's selfish for me to do it now, I really need you to know. _

_I am so very, very sorry. I blame myself. If I had had the courage to tell my family about who I am years ago - my brother wouldn't have been surprised. It's my fault that he turned his shock, ignorance, and blinding rage toward you. It should have been me. I will never forgive myself for what he did to you, G. Never._

_I'm so grateful that you have the kind of depth, courage, and kindness to work with me again. I know that seeing me will always take you back to the attack in some way. Taking the leap of faith to see me, be around me, work with me - I'll always be grateful and I will always be inspired. I missed your insight and intelligence on cases. I missed your wit and smile. _

_I missed you in so many ways, G. I still do._

_In some ways it's harder - seeing you everyday - I know we will never be what I have dreamed of for so many years - but maybe we can be something else someday. Friends. Friendly colleagues. Whatever you are able to give me - I will be so happy to have._

_I am angry. I am angry that my brother hurt you because he thinks he has some ordained responsibility to keep me free from sin. I am angry that my family thinks protecting a son who rapes and assaults and nearly kills is the right thing to do. I am angry that when I called them on it, their only concern is that I was defending what they consider the wrong side. I am angry that when I told them that I am in love with you, they prayed for my soul instead of being happy that I have found love. I am angry that we will never have a chance to see what we could have been. _

_Because I know we could have been good - we could have been great - we could have been forever._

_It's taken me a long time to write this. I started it over a million times. It still doesn't really say what I want it to say - but I need to stop. I need you to have this now. _

_I need you to know._

_I'm so sorry. _

_I love you, G. _

_Nick_

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Greg entered the apartment quietly. The early morning light filtered through the blinds, giving him enough light to move around without bumping into anything. He took his shoes off at the door and padded his way down the hallway toward the bedroom. He stood at the bedroom door for a few minutes, just looking. Nick was positioned on his back in his bed, covered from the waist down with a dark blue sheet. His bare chest rose and fell to the rhythm of his breathing. Greg could smell Nick in the still air of the warm bedroom - _he smells so good. _

Greg stepped toward the sleeping man, gently sitting himself onto the edge of Nick's bed. Nick's features were relaxed, the lines in his face hardly there. Nick's mouth was slightly open, pink tongue resting behind dry lips. One of Nick's arms was resting on his side, the other raised above his head. One of his legs was bent at the knee and jutted out at an odd angle. Greg smiled.

He gently brushed his fingertips along Nick's jaw, snaking up the side of Nick's face and across his forehead. His fingers traced an opposite pattern on the other side of Nick's face, ending with a soft, gentle brush of thumb to lips. Greg watched as Nick's eye's fluttered open, immediately revealing the innate kindness of the man behind the brown pools of surprise.

"Hey." Greg said softly.

"Greg?" Nick's sleepy voice made apparent his struggle to understand what was happening.

"I would apologize for waking you, but that was kinda the point." Greg smiled sweetly.

"How did you get in?" Nick asked groggily without accusation, more curiosity than anything else.

"Borrowed your emergency key from Grissom's office." Greg explained, his hand still touching Nick's face.

"You got my note?" Nick asked, almost rhetorically.

"I did. Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me, G? I just said what needed to be said." Nick tilted his face into Greg's touch.

"He never said my name, Nick. I don't think he even knew my name at the time. He wouldn't kiss me. That should have told me right there that something wasn't right. _**You**_ are a great kisser, Nicky. And you seem to really love it. His hands were rough - he barely touched my skin. Your hands are warm and gentle and were all over me from what I recall. He's not _**you**_, Nicky."

"I'm so sorry, G." Nick's voice was shaky.

"I've been noticing things about you, Nick. You know - at first it seemed like you and your brother look exactly the same. But it's not true. Your hair is lighter. Your face has more character. Your eyes are softer. Your voice is velvet." Greg smiled. "You smell better."

"I do?" Nick asked curiously.

"Mmmm hmmmm. You do. I've been sneaking sniffs of you for years, Stokes. You, my friend, smell divine - even after triples. I don't know how you do it." Greg chuckled, still stroking Nick's face, reveling in the feel of his stubble.

"The biggest difference though is your kind, gentle soul. You have a beautiful spirit, Nick. It's hard to understand how you are the way you are considering the fact that you grew up in the family that you did - it's like you and your twin are some mythical good and evil - polar opposites." Greg's fingers moved to gently trace the lines of Nick's smooth chest and stomach.

"Greg..." Nick's voice begged.

"When did you know?" Greg asked while touching Nick's arms, ignoring Nick's plea.

"Know what?"

"That you love me." Greg explained, his eyes wandering along the landscape of Nick's flesh.

"I'm not sure. I think it was there for a long time, but it really hit me after the lab explosion." Nick gasped as Greg's fingers dipped below the sheet covering Nick's hips.

"You know when I knew, Nick?" Greg asked as he pushed the sheet down Nick's toned body ever-so-slightly - just enough to see the start of a sexy trail of dark, fine hair below his bellybutton.

"Greg..." Nick begged again.

"I knew the minute Grissom said 'Greg, meet Nick Stokes' - then you shook my hand and it felt like you left flames behind. I knew then that you were going to be hard to ignore." Greg's eyes scanned Nick's body until brown met brown once again.

Nick couldn't speak.

"I've never felt the kind of chemistry with anyone than I did the day you kissed me. Touching your skin, tasting you - even as brief as it was - I knew you were meant for me, Nick. I want a chance, Nicky. I don't want your brother to win this one. I don't want your horrible family to lock you away again. I'm sorry to say that to you - but they _**are**_ horrible." Greg's eyes pooled with sincerity. "I want you. I want _**you**_ to want _**me**_. I want to try." Greg could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he watched Nick's eyes fill.

"Greg..."

"Shhh. Don't talk, don't think." Greg said as he moved himself on top of Nick, straddling his hips, one hand placed on each side of Nick's head. Greg closed the distance between their faces, lips almost touching. "Just feel, Nicky."

Greg placed a soft kiss on Nick's lips, pulling back to look into his eyes for a brief second before kissing Nick in a deeper, more heated fashion. He was relieved to feel nothing but desire. The man beneath him was no longer a reminder of anything other than longing and need and promise.

"Touch me, Nicky - please." Greg begged as he took a breath and dove back into Nick's mouth.

Nick's hands were on Greg before the sound of Greg's voice stopped. His fingers dipped beneath cotton and scanned warm skin marred by old carelessness and new hate. He pulled away when the guilt and shame caught up with the want and desire. "Wait."

"Nicky...please..." Greg just wanted to have this. "No more bad stuff"

"Slow down." Nick pulled back enough to look into Greg's sad eyes He cupped his face and ran a tender finger across the mark that will always remind them both of how much they have had to overcome. "No more bad stuff...just slow...okay?" He continued to trace his finger over the jagged scar left by the southern tip of a piece of metal shaped like the state he once called home. "Stay with me?"

Greg realized with sudden certainty that Nick's wounds were so much deeper than his own. He leaned down and placed a soft, slow, apologetic, loving kiss on Nick's lips.

"Okay." Greg whispered before he climbed off of Nick and quickly stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt. He didn't want to upset Nick further by exposing more of his mangled flesh than necessary. He settled into the bed beside his distressed looking friend and scooted himself as close as possible. With one arm draped across Nick's bare belly and one leg thrown across sheet covered thighs, Greg snuggled his face into Nick's neck and took a deep breath. "This okay?" He whispered.

"Perfect." Nick's voice warbled a little. "I'm so glad you're here."

Greg placed a gentle kiss on Nick scented skin and sighed. "Me too."

Nick turned toward Greg enough to wrap both arms around his slim body. "Please tell me I'm not dreaming."

"It just feels that way, Nicky." Greg sighed. "But we deserve this."

TBC


	7. Chapter 9 Taking it slow   ish

Title: Cowards - Part 9

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~2200

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

Nick didn't fall back to sleep. It just felt too damn good to feel Greg's heat next to him. Greg's steady breathing left puffs of humid, warmth ghosting across his chest. He was so afraid that if he fell asleep, Greg would disappear.

He smiled when he realized he was once again watching this beautiful man sleep - only this time it wasn't a covert operation. He raked his fingers through Greg's soft locks, being careful not to wake him while he brushed his lips across Greg's forehead and whispered into his hair. "I love you so much."

It was only a few minutes later when he felt every muscle in Greg's body tense. He started whimpering and twitching until he suddenly and without warning screamed and flailed against Nick.

Nick wasn't sure how to help him. He was afraid to just let him go through it, but he was also afraid that if he woke him up the only thing Greg would see was the man who created the nightmare to begin with. The more Greg fought to escape something only he could see, the more Nick felt compelled to go with option B.

Either way it was heart breaking.

Nick gently held Greg a little tighter and spoke quietly in his ear. "Greg. Wake up. It's me, Sweetheart. You're safe."

The sound of Nick's voice stilled him.

"That's it, G. Come on. Wake up." Nick soothed. "You're with me. You're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Greg was trapped beneath the weight of two men. Neither of them was Nick. In a flash of dreamlike coherency Greg realized that this was a new thing - Nightmare-Nate had a distinct and separate identity that didn't resemble Nick in the least. His worst nightmare held Greg's hands above his head while Paul worked on getting Greg's pants off. His heart was pounding out of his chest as he struggled to get free. Suddenly he heard Nick's voice. It was comforting and Greg looked around to find him. Right before he thought his heart would explode - he smelled it.

_Nicky._

Nick felt Greg's body relax a little as he heard and felt Greg's face nuzzle into his neck. _He's smelling me._ Remembering what Greg had said earlier, he moved to expose more of his skin to Greg's face. He also bunched Greg's shirt up high on his chest and pressed long, sweeping strokes of full palm against Greg's back. He fought back his own emotion as he felt the ridges and nubs of scar tissue. "Feel me...my hands on your skin. You're so beautiful. Feel me, Greg. It's Nick. You're safe."

"Nicky." Greg whispered into scented skin. This was Nick. He needed more. More of Nick's..._**everything**_. He was exhausted from the nightly visits of monsters in his sleep. He needed something else. Something beautiful. Something clean and pure.

He needed Nick.

Nick felt soft kisses trailing along his neck and jaw. Greg's hips were undulating against Nick's thigh. It felt so damn good. It also felt like he was taking advantage of a half-asleep, vulnerable man. Nick pulled their heads apart so he could look into Greg's eyes. He was surprised to see a very lucid man looking back at him. "Greg. We can't..."

Nick's words were captured in a deep kiss. _Oh god. _ He wanted this so much. Greg's kiss was raw and heavy with emotional need. He willed his body to cooperate as he felt his skin heat up from Greg's wandering hands. He reluctantly pulled away from Greg's mouth. "G...we need to..."

"Need this." Greg interrupted before he smashed their lips together and sucked Nick's tongue into his mouth. He moaned wantonly while he moved to once again straddle Nick's hips. His hips were still pivoting into Nick's and there was no doubt that both men were feeling it. "Need you, Nicky."

"God...G...if we don't stop I'm not sure I'll be able to..."

"Good." Greg groaned before he nipped Nick's chin.

"Damn it, Greg!" Nick grabbed Greg's head and forced him to look into his eyes. "Stop it!"

The wounded look in Greg's eyes nearly took Nick's breath away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I...Greg, please...I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't." Greg's eyes welled. "Since that day...when he...since that day, whenever I looked at you all I would see was him. But that all changed...all of a sudden I only see you. Now I want something else to remember. I want to look at you and see this...us...you...loving me. You're the only one who can give me that. That's what you'll be doing, Nicky. You could _**never **_hurt me."

Nick looked deep into the chestnut brown begging for him to understand. "Do you have any idea how much I want you right now?"

Greg's mouth twitched into a tiny, sexy smirk. "I got a pretty good idea."

"We stop the second you start to feel..."

Greg interrupted him for the last time with a searing kiss. "No chance in hell that's happening, Nicky."

Nick pulled them apart only long enough to yank Greg's t-shirt over his head. He tossed it across the room as he lunged hungrily for more of Greg's flavorful mouth. His hands skimmed down Greg's back until the dipped beneath the waistband of his briefs to knead the firm globes beneath. He pulled their groins together and the friction caused simultaneous cries of _**Oh god**_ as they ground against each other.

Greg suddenly sat up and roamed Nick's body with his eyes while he spoke in a husky voice. "God, Nicky. You're so beautiful. I don't know where I want to start."

Nick grabbed his arm and pulled him down again. He spun them until he was now hovering over Greg, tangling himself up in the sheets that had been covering his naked lower half. "Well, while you think about it - I know _**exactly **_where I want to start." He crashed their moths together - only this time he was in charge of the heated exchange. He found no resistance when his tongue slid past lips and teeth to tangle with Greg's. "Love (kiss) kissing (kiss) you."

He slowly made his way down Greg's body - never taking his mouth off of Greg's skin for more than the amount of time it took to move to the next patch. He savored the varying textures and subtle changes in flavor as he moved closer to his goal. With tenderness reserved for lovers, he slowly slid Greg's briefs down down thighs, past knees, over tense calves and ticklish feet.

After taking his time kissing, licking, and sucking thighs, belly, and hips he wrapped his hand around Greg's girth and stroked slowly so he could savor the feel of hard, pulsing heat. It had been a lifetime since he had last been close enough to a man's sex that he could smell the earthy musk of another's arousal.

He was heady with the sensory overload that was Greg. He saw a pearly droplet expanding at the tip and couldn't stop himself from tasting with a quick swipe of his tongue.

"Ohgodyes...Nicky...please don't stop." Greg arched his back and moaned with a gush of air. "Feels. So. Good. Don'tfuckingstop."

"Not gonna stop, Darlin'." Nick looked up to see Greg's eyes burning him up with desire. "I've wanted you for so long."

And he couldn't wait a second longer. He flattened his tongue against the sensitive vein and watched Greg slam his head into the pillow while he moaned so loud he created an echo. The sight of it was such a turn on and Nick only wanted to see more.

His only desire was to make Greg feel good.

And Greg _**did**_ feel good.

It was through Nick that Greg could reclaim the part of himself that was stolen. Greg had always loved sex. He was confident and playful and exuberantly open to exploration. He never thought he would get that back.

But he was feeling every shade of it with Nick. He wanted everything in every way and on every hard and soft surface of both of their homes.

It felt exhilarating.

He felt free.

Once he felt the wet, hot suction surrounding his entire length, it didn't take long to feel the ecstasy of white heat pooling in his middle in wave of pleasure that washed through him until he felt like he was floating weightless on a cloud of endorphins.

He wasn't sure where he went for the few minutes it took Nick to suck him clean and position himself to lay half-on and half-off of Greg's naked, sweaty body - but when he opened his eyes he was face-to-face with a concerned boyfriend.

_Wait. I should make sure..._

"Are you my boyfriend?" He slurred a little.

"That's random." Nick chuckled but remained a little pensive. "Are you okay?"

"I am if you're my boyfriend." Greg grinned. "What the _**hell **_was that?"

"Okay, I'm your boyfriend," Nick planted a Sanders-flavored kiss on Greg's lips. "And_** that**_ was what we like to call a blow job."

Greg stole another kiss. "Oh no. I've had blow jobs before and that was beyond the average blow job."

"I never said it was average." Nick smirked seductively.

"Jesus, Nicky." Greg spoke with husky desire. "I think I may have gone into some altered sate for a second from the fucking pleasure you delivered with that amazing mouth of yours."

"I've been trained to be very thorough." Nick mumbled into a kiss.

Greg savored the way he could taste himself on Nick's tongue. "I may not be a level 3, Stokes, but DNA requires a great amount of attention to detail, too."

"So I've heard." Nick smiled into Greg's skin.

Greg's expression changed into something between contemplative and grateful. His hands slid along the sweat damp skin of Nicks back and neck until he held Nick's handsome face between his palms. "This feels really, really good."

"Yeah." Nick nodded before he kissed each of Greg's eyelids.

"I'm so glad we made it." Greg said while his hands roamed back toward Nick's toned ass. "I really wanted this..you..us."

"Me too."

"This is _**way**_ better than you sitting sentry on my bedroom floor." Greg chuckled into a playful kiss.

Nick pulled back, looking both shocked and embarrassed. "How...how did you know about that?"

"Not all the rooms at work are soundproof." Greg smiled fondly as he trailed his fingers against the his lover's stubby face. "I love you, Nicky."

Nick's heart was swelling into a giant lump in his throat. "I love you, G."

"So you're not mad that I spied in you?" Greg smirked.

"Please..." Nick scoffed. "...you're talking to the man who secretly watched you sleep.

"That's kinda hot in a weird way." Greg chuckled.

"Freak." Nick teased.

They kissed and explored for hours. Greg tried to top Nick's above average blow job. Nick swore Greg had beat him by a mile, but Greg insisted that if anything, they were tied.

They fell asleep so gradually it was a surprise to them both when they opened their eyes at the exact same time and realized that the light had changed in the bed room. They looked at each other and smiled. It didn't occur to either of them that they had both woken up simultaneously until they heard the doorbell - obviously it had woken them.

"I think you have a visitor." Greg grinned sappily.

Nick kissed his smiley lips and sighed happily. "Good morning...night...afternoon. I think."

"Morning, night - it's all relative." Greg kissed NIck more deeply. "I just can't stop kissing you, Stokes."

"Mmmmmmm." Nick held onto the kiss as long as possible. "Good."

"God, Nicky...just looking at you makes me hard." Greg groaned as they took a breath between kisses.

"I've never wanted anyone the way that I want you." Nick's hand slowly skimmed down Greg's chest.

"I want to lick you all over." Greg gushed as the doorbell rang again. He suckled on Nick earlobe and chuckled he whispered playfully. "I don't think they're giving up."

"Fuuuuuuuuck." Nick groaned in frustration into Greg's neck. "You stay here and hold that thought." He jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of ratty sweat pants that were hanging out of his hamper. He stole a quick kiss before he trotted happily to his front door.

He swung the door open, fully prepared to tell the rude doorbell ringer to get lost, but all the wind was sucked out of his sails the minute he saw who was standing on his doormat.

"What are _**you**_ doing here?"

TBC


	8. Chapter 10 Two steps back

Title: Cowards - Part 10

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~2800

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

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"Is that any way to talk to your mother, Nicholas?" Bill barked before he pushed his way past his son.

Nick's mother hugged him before she followed.

Nick stood next to his opened door with his mouth hanging slack-jawed for a second before he could move. He left his door open and followed his parents into the living room. "I'm going to need to ask you to leave."

Bill Stokes was standing behind the chair in which his wife was sitting. "We need to talk, Nicky." Her soft voice captured Nick's attention.

"You're right, Momma. We do." Nick agreed. "I just can't right now. I'm off tonight. I can meet you for dinner." He offered a compromise.

Bill bristled. "We're here _**now**_..."

"Bill!" Her voice was far from soft as she interrupted her husband. "We agreed that I would handle this."

Nick watched his father back down, red faced. _Go Mom!_

"Nicky, we love you. You're our son." She seemed genuine. "As is your brother. If _**any **_of our children were to find themselves in trouble, your father and I would be equally supportive."

Nick sat on the couch facing his parents. "I understand that, Momma. I really do. But you're _**not**_ being equally supportive in this situation. You are choosing one child - the one who behaved despicably - over your other child. That's your _**choice.**_" He looked at his father. "I can't change that. But I can't condone it either."

"Nicky, he's my son. I have to help him." She was crying now. "I can't sit idle and watch him be sent off to..." She hiccuped. "...oh my. I'm not doing a good job with this, am I?."

Of course he understood her pain. No parent wants to see their children suffer. "Momma, please don't cry."

And no child wants to see his mother cry.

"Your father and I have discussed it. He and I have agreed to disagree on a few points. But we both agree on at least _**one **_point." She pulled herself together. "We love _**all **_of our children. Sometimes we have to take sides - but that doesn't mean we love you less, Nicky."

Nick was always amazed by his mother's subtle strength. "I love you too." He looked at his father. "Both of you."

She leaned across the coffee table and patted her son's knee. "Of course you do, Dear."

Bill grunted and wouldn't meet Nick's eyes.

"What your father means to say is that he loves you too." She winked. "Now - your father is of the opinion that Nathaniel is a victim of wrong-place-wrong-time. I happen to believe that your brother has once again...crossed the line of decency."

Nick gaped. "Once...again?" _Could she be talking about...they've never talked about..._

"As I've explained to your father, I'm afraid that what's happened here...with your brother...is our fault. We should have handled him differently years ago when you both were young and Nate had a chance to change. We sent him the wrong message. We made him feel like he was justified." She held her head high as she gave her son exactly what he deserved. "Nate is accountable for his behavior, but so are we. And you and your friend...Greg...didn't deserve what Nate did."

"Jilly!" Bill demanded. "Innocent until proven..."

"We're not in a courtroom, William." She stood her ground. "This is inside the family...right Nicky?"

"Right." Nick nodded. "Thank you."

"We never intended to make you feel like we chose Nate over you. It's not about choices, Baby. It's about taking care of the one in crisis." Her eyes welled in the same way as her son's. "We should have seen that your crisis was just as great - maybe greater."

They all startled when a man's voice bellowed from the hallway leading off of the kitchen. "You coming back to bed any time soon? I'm starting to think this morning was just a figment of my..." He stopped in his tracks as soon as he saw Nick's parents. "...imagination." _Oh shit._

No one said anything for several minutes. Greg stood frozen in place wearing only his jeans with the top button undone. Nick tried to figure out how to handle the awkward situation.

Bill fumed.

Jillian took in as many details as she could of the man who gave her son the kind of love she'd always dreamed of for him. The scar on Greg's youthful, handsome face was hard to take in, but it was also sobering in all the right ways.

Bill just continued to glare.

"I'm sorry to interrupt." Greg was the first to break to tension. "Um...okay...Nick, I'll just grab my stuff and go."

"Greg." Nick stood and held his hand out for Greg. "Come here."

Greg quickly buttoned his top button before he took Nick's hand and stepped forward until they stood side by side. He looked at Nick to try to gauge his lover's frame of mind.

"Momma, Dad...I want you to meet Greg Sanders." Nick stated boldly. He gripped Greg's hand a little tighter. "Greg's my boyfriend."

"Don't you think that's a conflict of interests, Nicolas?" Bill demanded.

"Not at all." Nick said without hesitation. "Greg happens to be of great interest to me."

"I'm not standing here listening to this..." Bill stormed toward the still opened front door. "...let's go Jillian."

"I'm staying here for a little while, Dear." She smiled at her son. "I'd like to get to know Nick's...partner a bit. I'm sure one of the boys can give me a lift to the hotel later."

Nick couldn't stop beaming proudly at his mother. "Of course we can."

"Absolutely." If he wasn't so intimidated by Nick's father he would have leapt across the coffee table to hug the crap out of Nick's mom. He hadn't seen Nick so happy since...well honestly, since the spectacular blow job a few hours earlier...but before that it had been months...maybe longer.

Less than 24-hours earlier, the best Nick could hope for was an easy working relationship with Greg and a generic Christmas card from his parents...in a few years. Nick just couldn't believe how fast his world was spinning into perfect alignment.

When he heard his door slam he realized he had a ways to go to reach perfection, but he was okay with that.

"Shall I make coffee while you two go get more presentable?" Jillian asked with a grin. "I think I remember where everything is."

Nick watched his mother disappear into the kitchen before he tugged his lover down the hall and shut the bedroom door behind them. He immediately spun them around until he had Greg pinned against the back of the door. He dipped his head and nudged Greg's chin until he could sink his teeth into the creamy skin of Greg's neck.

Greg laughed quietly. "I'm not sure we should push our luck by having coffee with you mom while sporting wood."

Nick nibbled his way to Greg's lips. "You're probably right."

After a deep, breathless kiss NIck rested his forehead on Greg's. "Is this for real? Pinch me."

"If you insist." Greg deadpanned before pinching Nick's nipples. "Now take off this horrible rag impersonating as sweatpants and put on something worthy of a proper southern lady."

"You're unreal." Nick said before capturing Greg's smile with his own. "So beautiful." He kissed the raised line on Greg's temple, marking his lover's courage with his lips. "I love you so much."

Greg sighed adoringly. "No one could tell by looking at us that you're the girly one, ya big softy."

"That'll be our little secret." Nick teased before stealing one last kiss. "The shirt you wore this morning is trashed, so grab something out of my closet."

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Greg was stunned by what he had just heard. When Nick's mom explained what she meant earlier about feeling like they should have done something the first time - he wasn't expecting to hear something so utterly tragic.

And then Nick's shaky voice amplified the tragedy a million times over. "I never saw Dillian again. I'll never know for sure what happened to him. I'll never forgive myself for not doing something to stop them...or at least warn Dillian."

Greg grabbed Nick's hand and gripped it so tightly he could feel the bones grinding together. "Oh my god, Nicky. You've been carrying that around with you for all these years?" He then turned to Nick's mom and grabbed her hand too - with a little less force. "And so have you?"

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Both Nick and Jillian seemed to be comforted by Greg's touch.

Greg finally sucked in a lung full of air to control the emotion quickly building into tears. "Neither of you are to blame. Not _**then**_ and not _**now**_."

"When you're a parent I'm afraid it's alway your fault." She explained sadly. "We raised him."

"Yeah, but you also raised a whole litter." Greg argued. "How many are like Nate? If Nick's any indication, you've got a green thumb when it comes to growing your garden of offspring."

"Greg's right, Momma." Nick's chest swelled with emotion. "I think some people are just wired a certain way and nothing can change it."

"You may be right, Baby." She grabbed her son's hand - completing the circle. "It's still a hard pill to swallow."

"I know." He squeezed her hand.

"Your father has his own demons. He's not only a father, but he's a judge. He spent his whole life dispensing justice. It was easier to direct his anger toward the son who pushed against his personal values than the son who pushed against all the wrongs he had spent his life righting. Your preferences were an easy target for his pain." She looked truly remorseful.

"It's not a preference, Momma." Nick spoke gently. "It's who I am."

"I know, Baby. You keep helping me understand and I'll keep learning how to show you how little it matters to me who you love - so long as you find it, doesn't matter how it's packaged. And the obvious love you share with Greg is what I've always wanted for you." She pulled both of their hands to her lips and kissed them. "I'm sorry I didn't have this conversation with you years ago, Nicky. You could have been happy. We could have healed as a family. This would have never happened..."

"Sometimes is takes something like this to get things moving in the right direction." Greg interrupted. "Don't misunderstand me, I'll never see this as one of those things that happens for a reason because nothing is worth what I've been through..." He looked at Nick. "...or what _**you've**_ been through. But if some good can come from it - well, I'm all for it."

"You're a lovely man, Greg." She said.

"Thank you." Greg said sincerely. "That means more to me than you'll ever know." He looked at Nick and squeezed his hand. "Your Dad will come around, Nick. I just feel it in my soul."

She squeezed Nick's other hand. "He will. I promise, my sweet boy, he will."

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"You never told me that your sisters used to dress you up like a Barbie." Greg's smirk was contagious.

"I can't believe she told you that!" Nick couldn't help himself. He had to smirk back. "It was more like Strawberry Shortcake than Barbie."

"Oh god!" Greg gasped. "They didn't even let you be a _**hot**_ chick?"

"Hardly!" Nick laughed.

Greg smiled affectionately at his newly acquired, longtime desired, boyfriend. "Even back then you were accommodating."

"Actually," Nick reflected. "They were just intimidating as hell!"

"Before you know it, she'll be showing me your bare-butt baby pictures." Greg teased.

Nick nodded. "And the awkward 7th grade 4-H rodeo. I swear I looked like Foghorn Leghorn with acne."

"I doubt that, Nicky." Greg scooted over in his seat and leaned across the console between them so he could kiss his handsome boyfriend on the cheek. "We should have taken her to dinner."

"You heard her..." Nick sounded a little defensive. "...she wanted to get back to the hotel because she was worried about my dad."

"I know, but still..."

"You know what Greg..." Nick snapped. "...we're _**barely**_ a couple at the moment, which means you don't really know enough to have an opinion."

"Duly noted." Greg leaned back into his own side of the truck. He couldn't help feeling stung by Nick's sudden shift in mood - even if he _**did **_understand where it was coming from. He looked out of his window while he spoke. "FYI - you're a complete dick when you inflict unnecessary guilt upon yourself."

The fact that Greg was right - that Greg had pegged him _**perfectly**_ - only seemed to piss him off even more. The afternoon spent at the kitchen table with his mother was the first time since fucking _**high school**_ that he felt like he measured up - didn't feel suffocated under a layer of unspoken disappointment and betrayal. Who the fuck did Greg think he was to insinuate that Nick wasn't trying hard enough. She so much as admitted that she was wrong - so why was it up to _**Nick**_ to cater to _**her**_ all of a sudden?

_And shouldn't Greg be on __**my**__ side?_

_Ass._

The rest of the ride back to his place was spent in silence. By the time he was pulling into his driveway, he knew he had over-reacted. He _**more**_ than over-reacted. He sort of went a little psycho.

And he felt really, _**really**_ bad about it.

He turned off the engine, gripped the steering wheel hard, and pushed his back into the seat with an exaggerated sigh. He turned his head to look at his tense passenger. "Greg."

When Greg turned to look back, Nick was shocked to see so much...just so _**much**_ in the expression on his face. He wasn't even sure how to interpret it. He reached across the space between them and traced his fingers gently against the scar on Greg's face. "Let's go inside..."

"Do you know how it feels when you do that?" Greg asked without moving.

Nick was confused. "Do what?"

"That." Greg hissed while he pulled away from Nick's touch. "You're all pissed-off at me and then you look at my mangled face and you change your tune all of a sudden. I don't need your guilt-induced forgiveness - not that I have done _**anything**_ to forgive - and I _**don't **_need your fucking pity."

Nick was stunned. He had never seen Greg so upset and angry. "That's not..."

"Look." Greg deflated and looked away from Nick's eyes. "I'm just a little..." _Wounded? Heartbroken? Humiliated and confused? Is it me you want or do you just feel like you owe it to me to make up for what your fucking twin did?_ "...upset."

Nick could see _**that**_ for himself. How did such a great day turn to shit so suddenly. _Oh yeah...me..that's how. _ "I'm sorry."

"I know." Greg couldn't even look at him. "I need to head home anyway. Unlike you, I have a shift starting in a couple of hours and I need a shower and a change of clothes - not to mention a gallon of coffee."

"So - what - you're going to punish me now?" Nick huffed.

That got Greg's attention. He snapped his head toward Nick again and pinned him to the spot with his eyes. "I'm not punishing you, Nick. I would hope you know me better than that. It's been an emotional roller coaster for both of us over the last couple of days and I just need...a little space right now. And I think you do, too."

Nick shook his head bitterly. "Don't tell me what I need, Greg."

Nick could literally see the painful, proverbial lump form in Greg's throat before he spoke in the most heartbroken voice he had ever heard from anyone. Ever. In his entire life.

"I'll see you later, Nicky...or call you...or something." Greg stepped from the truck and closed the heavy door too gently for it to actually shut properly.

Nick watched him walk to his car. As the man he loved more than he was capable of expressing in words drove away, Nick knew he needed to pull his shit together fast if he wanted to keep him. He was doing the same thing he did before their world was shaken to pieces by his brother.

As Greg patiently pulled Nick toward him - Nick freaked out and harshly pushed him away.

_I really need to stop doing this shit._

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TBC - two chapters left, kids!


	9. Chapter 11 Helping me, Helping you

Title: Cowards - Part 11

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~3400

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

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As soon as he walked into his bedroom he felt the exhaustion pulling him toward the bed. He fell into his messy sheets that now smelled like Greg, and he slipped into darkness despite how much it hurt to breathe-in the scent of the man he had just used as a human voo-doo doll.

He had only been asleep for three hours when his phone started ringing. He couldn't even _**start**_ to pull himself from slumber before his answering machine picked up. Whoever it was didn't leave a message and he was fine with that. He and Greg had been awake for most of the previous 24-hours and he wasn't ready to be _**not **_asleep yet. His cell phone then buzzed against the wooden table top next to his bed and he assumed he was being called into work. Grissom was the only person who called every number possible until he found Nick. He blindly felt around for his phone and once he had it in his hand he sucked in a deep yawn as he flipped it open to answer. "Skotes...Stotes...Skokes..." _fuck_ "...this is Nick." He groggily tried to get his mouth to cooperate with his brain.

"Did you know?"

Hearing Greg's voice was both a relief and intensified his guilt. _He sounds so fucking tired._ "Hey G." He tried his best to sound awake. "I'm glad you called. I...um...owe you an apology."

"Did you know?" Greg asked again.

Nick could hear the edge in Greg's tone. "Know what?"

"About the deal?" Greg explained.

Nick was half asleep, really tired, and just wanted the confusing man on the other end of the call to come over and crawl in bed with him. The combination of emotions made him cranky. "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, G. What deal?"

"He took a deal." Greg said without elaboration.

"Who? Nate?"

"Who else would I be talking about?" Greg said.

Nick thought his tone was a little condescending. "Look G - you woke me up from a dead sleep - cut me some slack if it takes me a minute to get on the same page."

"So you didn't know?" Greg ignored Nick's little snit.

"How the hell would I?"

"I just...I guess I was wondering if you knew and didn't tell me in case it fell through." Greg's voice was still off. "I mean...I know you and Patricia are tight so I thought maybe..."

Something about the way Greg said it rubbed Nick the wrong way. "What's _**that **_supposed to mean?"

"What?"

"Me and Patricia are tight - _**that**_?" Nick was starting to wake up. "Are you accusing me of something, Greg?"

"What?" Greg was seriously confused by the direction of the conversation. Having only three hours of sleep in the last 36-hours didn't help.

Nick switched ears before he continued. "Do you think I'm sleeping with the ADA?"

That had never occurred to Greg...until Nick said it. Now he wondered.

Nick didn't like the silence. "Well?"

"Are you?" Greg finally asked meekly.

Nick immediately fumed. "I can't believe you're seriously asking me that!"

"It never even crossed my mind until you mentioned it, Nick. Why would you think I would think that - unless you feel guilty about something." Greg was wondering what the hell he was thinking to even call Nick after the way they left things earlier in the evening. "I was just calling you to let you know. I'm sorry it came across all wrong. I just thought you would want to know."

Nick was finally fully awake and for the second time since sundown, he felt like a huge ass. "I'm sorry, Greg. You woke me up and I wasn't completely out of my sleep-induced-stupor which usually means I'm a cranky prick. Can we just rewind this conversation to the point where you told me Nate took a deal?"

He could almost hear Greg nodding. "That sounds like a really great plan."

"Thanks, G." He could hear the smile in Greg's voice and once again marveled at the man's capacity for forgiveness. "Now tell me about this deal. Please tell me Patricia didn't give in..."

"No, man. It's the total opposite." Greg suddenly sounded animated. "_**He **_gave in. He copped to every charge."

"So where's the deal for him?" Nick was confused.

"Sentencing." Greg explained. "Two-years incarceration, reduced to time served, two years probation to be served in his home state, full restitution to his victim, and a low level sex-offender status - which means he's off the registry in ten years."

"Wow." Nick said in a daze. "That's...wow...how do you feel about it?"

"It's over." Greg's relief was evident in his voice. "It's over and I _**never**_ have to see him again."

_What does __**that **__mean? _Greg's answer hit Nick like a ton of bricks as the implications raced through his mind. His relationship to Greg's rapist suddenly felt overwhelmingly complicated. Almost impossible. _ Greg will never go home with me for holidays? We won't go to family reunions together? No Fourth of July cook out spectaculars on the ranch? I just got my family stuff on it's way back toward right and now he's telling me I can't enjoy my family and my boyfriend at the same time?_ The fact that Greg never said any of those things didn't really factor into Nick's internal dialogue.

Neither did the fact that Nick didn't really want to see his brother again either - not to mention the fact that his family may have an opinion about who did and did not attend full family functions as well.

Nick couldn't process it all. He just felt stuck in the middle of..._something_.

He pushed it to the back of his mind and felt pretty proud of himself for working it out without taking it out on Greg. Sort of working it out. At least putting off the freak-out until he and Greg were on firmer footing. _**That**_ was something in the neighborhood of progress.

"That's great, G. I'm so glad you won't have to face him in court." Nick meant it, too. "I just...it's weird...jesus, I can't believe my brother is a sex offender."

Greg's silence spoke volumes.

_uh oh._

Nick already knew he had said - yet again - something stupid and insensitive.

"I can believe it." Greg said it like his dog died or something.

But Greg didn't have a dog, he just had a jerk for a boyfriend. "God, G. You know I didn't mean it like that. Of course I believe it - I believe _**you**_ - you know that right?"

"It's just a figure of speech, Nicky. I didn't think you _**literally**_ don't believe that your brother raped me. I'm not fragile, for god's sake." Even though he _**sounded**_ fragile. "Look, I gotta go. Hodges just paged me."

There was nothing he hated more than to hear Greg say rape. He would rather not think about it. Which is probably why he had said something so completely fucked up to begin with. "Greg..."

"Bye, Nick."

_Damn it!_

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He never could fall back to sleep. His double-dose of monumental fuck-ups was weighing heavy in his mind. His heart wasn't feeling so great either. He ached from the fear that he had run out of free passes with Greg.

And it was the thought of losing him that led to Nick the decision to do something that went against everything he believed about himself. Something he had only done twice - because he was literally forced to and even then he only did the bare minimum - only enough to keep him employed.

He couldn't wait to tell Greg.

He was Googling his options when his cell phone rang again. His heart raced as he hoped to hear Greg's voice on the other end. When he looked at the caller ID he felt disappointment so intense it made his throat close. He swallowed hard before answering.

"Hey Cath."

"Hi Nicky."

He could hear voices in the background - jovial voices. "What's going on over there?"

"We're all getting ready to head out to Shooter's. You want to meet us there?"

Shooter's was one of the few clubs in town that wasn't on the strip and was also opened 24/7. It was a place they all liked to go to unwind once in a while and was usually filled with a mixed crowd of various persuasions with varying interests - which meant there was drinking, dancing, pool, darts, large tables for groups of friends and small nooks for private twosomes. The twosomes were often men and no one ever seemed to care.

They hadn't gone since Warrick was killed...and Greg was..."Actually Cath, I think I'll sit this one out. I need to talk to Greg about something."

"Then you better get your ass to Shooters." She chuckled. "Because that's where he'll be for the next few hours."

"Greg's going?" Nick was a little hurt.

"He kinda has to go, Nicky." Catherine teased. "It's a celebration and he's the beneficiary."

"Oh?" Nick said it like a question.

"Of course. Haven't you heard? It's over - your brother took a deal. That's something worth celebrating!"

"Celebrate?" Nick bristled. "Celebrate what? It's not like we got a guilty verdict - the coward took a plea so he wouldn't have to face the humiliation of a trial."

Catherine calmly schooled Nick on a few things. "No. Your brother did the right thing which will spare Greg the trauma of having to sit in a courtroom and look at the man who scarred him for life - in more ways than one. I'd say that's definitely worthy of celebration. But I understand. It's not the same for you. You've got all those messy, conflicting loyalties."

Her words stung. He wasn't conflicted and his _**only**_ loyalty was to Greg. _**That**_ he was sure of. Nick closed his eyes when he finally realized what he was doing. It was a survival strategy he had learned a long time ago.

He didn't like disappointing people - _**hurting**_ people. He didn't like making mistakes. He would do anything to avoid the way it felt to acknowledge his human foibles.

So he just got angry and righteous instead - when he wasn't playing the hero that is.

_Jesus - I need help._

Of course Catherine was right. It was the _**best**_ reason to celebrate. He added one more thing to his list of things to feel bad about when it came to Greg Sanders. _I should have thought of a nice celebration for Greg myself, instead of being an asshole._

"So..." Cath interrupted his thoughts. "...you in or not?"

"Yeah, maybe." He waffled. "Let me finish up a few things here and see how I feel."

"Nicky, it's not too late to man up." She slipped into mothering-mode. "Don't blow a good thing because you can't swallow your damn pride."

She hung up without another word. Nick thought it was funny how easily everyone talked about he and Greg as a couple. He spent his whole life being afraid of how people would treat him if they knew his shameful secret and come to find out - no one really gives a shit.

Even his mother was coming around.

_I need to see Greg._

He quickly dressed before he grabbed his wallet and keys off of the kitchen table and rushed to his door. When he opened it he found himself face-to-face with his father.

To say he was caught off guard was a understatement.

"I thought you'd want to know that your brother accepted the terms of a plea." Bill explained calmly.

Nick looked stunned. "I heard."

Bill looked at a spot behind Nick's right shoulder. "Your mother seems to think I owe you some sort of apology."

Nick wanted to tell his father not to bother with an apology if he didn't mean it. But before he could gather his courage, his father continued.

"She made a good argument." Bill admitted while finally meeting his son's eyes. "I _**do**_ owe you an apology. I'm pretty sure I owe your friend an apology too - though your mother spared me that one. I guess she figured it'd be too much at once."

Nick couldn't remember a time when his father looked at him without a scowl of disappointment. It was like looking at a different man.

"I told your brother to do the right thing. I told him his mother and I couldn't turn a blind eye anymore. I told him a lot of other things too. Things we'll just keep between him and I - but he came around to my way of thinking eventually."

Nick actually saw a twinkle in his father's eyes. And was that a smile?

"I don't know what to say. It's been a very...weird day, Dad." Nick tried to explain. "It's like for 30 years my life was at an impasse and then all of a sudden in the blink of an eye everything is happening - _**changing**_ - at the speed of light."

"You mother told me you might feel that way." Bill said with a hint of regret. "I just wanted you to hear this from me." Bill looked at his son pointedly. "I believe in you...I _**know**_ you're a good man, Son."

"I'm sorry...I'm..." Nick was so thrown off he couldn't even begin to know how to feel. "I gotta go."

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He had been sitting in the parking lot of Shooters for over an hour. It was like his life had been turned inside-out. Or right-side up. He went from being the black sheep to being the golden boy. His image of straight, southern boy had been converted to beefy, gay man. His secret crush had become a full-flame love affair.

The injustice of his youth had been rectified at the supreme sacrifice of a kind, gentle man. He wanted to get the next conversation - with this kind, gentle man - right. There was no room for any unfounded lashing out.

He sighed and rubbed his tired face with his hands. He was a giant mess inside and he knew it. His father's surprise visit didn't help. The only thing he was absolutely sure of in the cyclone of his reality was that he wanted Greg. He needed Greg. And fucking this up was _**NOT**_ an option.

It took him several minutes to adjust to the lighting in the club and find the table occupied by his friends. Even Brass was there. When he spotted Greg his chest clenched painfully as he nervously stepped to the table. Greg saw him first and stopped talking in the middle of his sentence, causing Archie to turn around to see who or what had captured his friend's attention.

They couldn't take their eyes off of each other and everyone noticed. It was like the entire table collectively sighed with relief.

Nick stepped in front of Greg and boldly yanked him to his feet by both hands. Before Greg could react he found himself wrapped up in a tight embrace with mere inches between their faces.

"If I promise to employ the five-minute-rule before reacting to anything that pushes my sensitive, weird, confusing buttons - will you forgive me?" Nick asked while looking deeply into the soulful eyes of his lover.

"You realize everyone is looking at us, don't you?" Greg asked coyly.

Nick nodded ever-so-slightly. "Hard to miss."

Greg smiled. "PDAs Nicky?"

Nick cocked a brow. "That's not a problem for you, is it?"

"I've been known to enjoy public...displays." Greg smirked.

Nick tried to ignore how jealous that made him feel and pulled Greg closer. "Answer my question, Greg."

"I had already forgiven you." Greg finally answered. "But I do like the five-minute-rule. I think we should definitely put that into practice."

"Why do you put up with me?" Nick ducked his head, resting his forehead on Greg's shoulder. "You could do so much better than me."

"Not true."

Nick lifted his face so he could look into Greg's eyes. "I'm a huge mess, G. I'm getting help - I need help with this shit - all of it. I've made an appointment with a therapist."

Greg's hands were suddenly in Nick's hair. "Nicky. That's _**huge**_. I know hard that was to do. I know it was hard for me, anyway. I'm so proud of you,"

"You're in therapy?" Nick asked.

"It was the only way I could move past it...you know... get beyond it enough to have everything I wanted." Greg explained. "Including you."

Nick's eyes closed in relief. "I'm gonna mess up along the way."

"And I'll get pissed and go to my corner - then you'll apologize and I'll forgive you and we'll have awesome make-up sex." Greg grinned. "I hope when I mess up we can have the same routine - in reverse of course."

"I think I can handle that."

"So we have a deal." Greg exclaimed. "Let's seal it with a kiss, shall we?"

Nick answered with a perfect meshing of mouths that made Greg's toes curl. It felt so good and neither man wanted to stop - but the applause coming from all around them was a little distracting.

At some point everyone started dancing - except Nick and Grissom. Nick was enjoying watching. He's always enjoyed watching that man move his body to the beat of a good song.

Greg was fun to watch.

He was like a people magnet on the dance floor. He was pulled from one partner to another a couple of times every minute. The women tended to lean in to hear what he was saying over the loud music before they leaned back to laugh. The men tended to lean in and stay put until Greg was spun around to the next person on his dance card.

"Greg seems to be comfortable with himself." Grissom observed.

Nick didn't take his eyes off of his boyfriend as he replied. "Yeah."

"It's good to see that he can still embrace life." Grissom said. "You're a big part of that, Nicky. You helped him reclaim himself."

"I didn't do anything." Nick said as he watched a large man crowd Greg's personal space. His instinct was to kick the guys ass, but Greg deftly and politely pushed him away before he spun around to dance with Catherine.

"You did exactly what he needed. You gave him room and respect and dignity until he was ready to let you back in." Grissom explained. "Let _**him **_help you now, Nick."

Nick finally looked at his mentor. "You don't think that's selfish after everything he's been through."

Grissom eyed Nick stoically. "I think it would be selfish _**not**_ to, Nicky."

Nick contemplated Grissom's simple lesson. "Excuse me, Gris."

He shimmied behind Greg until he could wrap his arms around his waist. Greg leaned into him, placing his arms on top if Nick's. Nick placed his mouth next to Greg's ear. "My turn."

Greg spun around in Nick's arms and easily matched his rhythm as they danced together, hip to hip. "Wow, Stokes, you've been holding out on me...you can dance!"

"Never said I couldn't." Nick shamelessly flirted.

"What changed your mind about dancing?" Greg asked while exaggerating innocence. "Did I look too good out here?"

Nick laughed. "That...and the fact that everyone has their paws all over you."

"Don't be jealous, Nicky." Greg teased. "I didn't paw them back."

"Doesn't matter." Nick growled into his ear. "Your body should only be pawed by me."

Greg's eyes darkened as he pulled NIck into a deep kiss. "You know, I've been awake for _**way**_ too long. I think I want to head home."

"Seriously?" Nick looked confused.

"Yeah." Greg's eyes looked far from sleepy. "Unfortunately, Cath gave me a lift and it looks like she's going to be here for a while. I don't suppose _**you **_could give me a ride?"

Nick grinned. "Did you mean for that to sound dirty?"

"Did it work?" Greg sounded sultry.

"Let's get out of here." Nick started pulling Greg off the dance floor. His jeans were already feeling uncomfortable in the zipper region. "I need to get you to bed."

TBC


	10. Chapter 12 Home

Title: Cowards - Part 12

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash

Word Count: ~4500

Warning: Sexual Content, Violence, NonCon

Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.

Summary: Nick honors Warrick's memory by finally being true to himself. It's a lot harder than he thought and he learns that his family is a much bigger issue than he ever thought. And so does Greg. AU, there are spoilers but the plot is mostly mine.

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Nick had never appreciated his gas-guzzling, over-sized, super-deluxe king cab as much as he did on the drive from Shooter's to Greg's place. His enthusiastic boyfriend had decided to forego the seatbelt and instead leaned across the console to latch himself onto Nick's neck.

Nick groaned. "You're making it a little hard to..."

"Hard?" Greg grinned, his lips still touching warm skin. He slowly moved his hand along Nick's thigh until his palm pressed against a rather large bulge. "Damn, Big Guy. You're right."

Nick hissed as he felt the pressure making the delicious discomfort almost unbearable. "I was going to say you're making it hard to _**drive**_, G."

"Let me help you out with this." Greg cooed before his deft fingers popped the top button and slowly slid the zipper down. He pulled Nicks neatly tucked shirt up until his firm belly was exposed before he slipped his hand inside of briefs that were already sticky from Nick's arousal and stroked him tantalizingly slow. "You're so fucking hard, Nicky."

Greg giggled when the man he was currently torturing squeaked.

"You wanna know what I'm planning on doing with this?" Greg squeezed the _'this'_ to which he was referring, causing another squeak from his boyfriend. "First, I'm going to take in just the tip and suck just enough to get your taste in my mouth. Then I'm gonna take you so deep you'll think you're coming out of my ass. Then I'm going to suck you so hard..."

"Jesus, G..." Nick's voice was mixed with need and frustration. "...I'd like to get us home in one piece."

"Then you better keep your eyes on the road, Mr. Safety." Greg practically growled into Nick's ear before he moved his head south and started sucking.

Just the tip.

"Fuck, Greg!" Nick meant to sound annoyed but it came out more like code for _'suck me harder'_.

Yeah - having a roomy cab with lots of space between the steering wheel and the driver's lap was a really good thing.

Greg was feeling a bit appreciative, too. Nick was by far the best tasting man he had ever sucked off. He smelled good too. _Hell - everything about Nick is just...fuck...__**so good**__._

Just as Nick pulled in front of the garage door, Greg took him deep. Nick grunted and slammed his head into the head rest. _Greg gives outstanding head._

They _**both**_ knew it, too.

"G." Nick managed to articulate as he felt suction and the back of Greg's throat. "Fucking hell. G."

As if rewarding Nick for expressing his pleasure, Greg swallowed expertly around his pulsing cock, sending sparks of white lighting shooting down Nick's spine.

Nick needed to get his hands on Greg.

Now.

"Ga...Garage, Greg." He pulled gently on Greg's hair.

Greg pulled off of Nick's cock with an audible pop. He looked up through dark lashes. His mouth _**looked**_ like it had been sucking dick and it made Nick's mouth water with desire to suck back. Greg's brow crinkled when Nick didn't speak. "Something wrong?"

Nick shook his head. He cleared his throat before speaking. "Garage."

Greg looked confused.

"Open the garage." Nick explained a little further.

Greg peeked over the dash and realized they had made it home. "Be right back."

Greg hopped out of the truck, but before he trotted to the keypad to enter the code, he turned back to look at Nick. The sight of his man sitting red faced, disheveled, and a little frustrated with his gorgeous dick so hard it left tiny trails of come as it throbbed against Nick's belly. "Don't you dare move."

Nick held his hand up in surrender.

It earned him a brilliant smile before Greg hurried to get his task done. As the garage door was opening, Greg climbed back into the cab of the truck and immediately lunged for Nick's girth.

Nick silently thanked Sarah for spending the extra money on a condo with an attached, private garage. He wasn't sure he could get out of the truck before Greg finished what he had started. He slammed the truck into park and shut down the engine before he leaned back, closed his eyes and wove his fingers into the hair on the back of Greg's head. "Oh yeah...mmmmm...that's it, G...feels so good."

"Mmmm Hmmmm" Greg hummed in agreement.

That was all Nick could take. Between the suction and the bobbing of Greg's head and the swallowing and humming sending cascading sensations straight to his balls - Nick came harder than he can ever remember.

Greg didn't release Nick's spent cock until he had swallowed everything Nick had to give. He pushed himself up until he could reach Nick's lips. "Yummy." He murmured before bestowing a deep kiss upon the slack-jawed mouth of his dazed lover.

Nick's hands quickly found their way to Greg's hair and he angled his face to deepen the kiss. When they pulled back Nick kept his loose hold on Greg's head and stared into his eyes. His thumb brushed against the raised line that would never let either of them completely forget the painful journey they had taken to get to this moment in time. Nick felt a rush of deep, renewed commitment to pull his shit together. "I love you."

"I love you." Greg said with a dreamy look in his brown eyes.

Nick smiled at the sight of it. "Yeah, I know. I'm lucky."

"Luck has nothing to do with it." Greg argued. "You're a good man. You're a brilliant scientist and investigator. You're compassionate with people who are facing the worst moments of their lives. You're a defender, a protector, and yet, you're still vulnerable, and..."

"I'm fucked up." Nick interrupted.

"Yeah, you're that too. But you're self-aware and you're getting help." Greg smiled. "Oh...and you're hot. Very, very hot."

"No - you are." Nick teased flirtatiously.

"Nah - I'm not hot. But I make up for it with my amazing sexual technique."

"How can you be so unaffected?"

It was a genuine question.

Greg dropped the bravado so he could pay attention to what Nick needed. He had learned that with Nick, what he says isn't always what's going on on the inside. "I _**am**_ affected."

"You just seem so...I don't know...expressive or something...and after everything...how can you be so..."

"Nicky." Greg took pity on him. Even on his best day, Nick's never been great at the talking thing. "I don't know how to explain it. I've always been fairly...what'd you call it - expressive? I'm no slut or anything, but I love sex. From the second I discovered my dick I've loved it. It feels good, Nicky."

"You don't think I know that?" Nick grinned.

"What I'm trying to say is that for me sex has always been necessary. Not in the _'oh god I haven't been laid in six months and I need to get off before my balls fall off'_ kind of necessary. It's more like sex is...I don't know...like it's a personality trait or something. It's not just something I _**do**_, it's part of who I _**am**_. Does that make any sense at all?"

Nick fingers were drawn to Greg's face again. "And all these years I just thought you just lacked a filter."

"That too." Greg admitted with a grin. "My point is that I couldn't let 20-minutes of...bad...change who I am."

"What about Paul?" Nick took advantage of the serious moment to ask a question that had been niggling at him since he first noticed Greg's bruised face in the lab's parking lot so many months earlier.

"What about him?"

Nick's fingers were still caressing Greg's face tenderly.

"Why him?" Nick struggled to find a way to ask the question without revealing how insecure he was. "He doesn't seem like someone you'd be with."

"He's not! I only went out with him for a few weeks - and with my schedule that equates to a handful of actual dates." Greg explained. "I thought he was hot."

"You think he's hot?" Nick obviously didn't.

"No." Greg thought it was adorable. "I said I _**thought**_ he was hot. It wasn't exactly beer goggles, but I'm a dude with a healthy appetite for sex. He was interested and cute."

Nick suddenly looked a little insecure. "So why'd it go beyond the one night?"

"Why do I get the feeling that we're talking about more than just my psycho-ex?" Greg's fingers carded through short, dark hair. "I don't have a thing for damaged men, Nicky. I've wanted you for years - even before all of the shit we've been through since Warrick's funeral. I'm not looking for a project. I'm looking for a boyfriend. Nana would say I'm looking for a soulmate and I think she would say that I found him with you."

Nick still looked unconvinced.

"Look, the night I met Paul I wasn't in the best frame of mind. I had just heard through the grapevine that the guy I _**wanted**_ was dating some floozy cocktail waitress he met on a scene. I thought Paul would be a nice distraction."

"Floozy?" Nick crinkled his face.

Greg nodded while he smoothed out the lines between Nick's eyebrows affectionately. He was relieved that Nick was allowing him to lighten the mood. "Yeah - floozy - you have terrible taste in women."

"That's because I _**wanted**_ men." Nick stated the obvious. "More specifically, I wanted _**you**_."

"Well, you've got me." Greg kissed Nick's neck before whispering huskily into Nick's ear. "Now the question is, what are you going to _**do**_ with me?"

Nick chuckled fondly. "Your resiliency is amazing - _**inspiring**_ actually."

"Resiliency Schmasiliency." Greg said before he nipped at Nick's chin. "I'm just horny."

"Aren't you tired?"

"Every part of me is exhausted except for Mr. Longfellow." Greg giggled. "And Mr. Longfellow kinda rules the sleep cycle."

"Mr. Longfellow?" Nick raised a brow. "You're so weird, G."

"Maybe." Greg squirmed. "Can we go inside before you rock my world? This cup-holder is digging into my ribcage."

They were naked before they passed through the bedroom door - bodies touching from head to toe - literally. It had been little more than a day since the first time they had meshed together in this way, but they moved with the intensity of lovers who had been starved of each other for years.

Greg's hands roamed every speck of skin they could reach. Nick's body was perfect and Greg was pretty sure he would never completely understand what a sex-god like Nick was doing with a skinny, mangled mess like him. It was a part of him that he would probably never share with anyone - not even Nick.

He was almost painfully insecure.

While Greg had never had trouble finding lovers - he always assumed they were with him just because he was good. He went out of his way to please his partners and there wasn't anything he wasn't willing to try at least once. What he lacked in looks, he more than made up for in personality and libido.

It was his perceived deficit in attractiveness to which Greg had always attributed his single status. He could get laid, he could maintain friends with benefits, he could even manage a few months of exclusivity - but he was incapable of capturing someone's interest beyond that.

And now he was groping the hottest man he had even known and this same man was offering him so much more. Nick was offering him_** love**_. And this simple four letter word seemed to have the power to take something that Greg had always enjoyed immensely, and crank up the wattage until he thought his heart would explode from the intensity of the pleasure. They were just holding each other - not even in bed yet - and Greg felt like he was on the cusp of a powerful orgasm. "Bed?"

Nick nodded without taking his lips from Greg's neck.

They managed to move themselves across the room and fall into Greg's borrowed bed without incident. Nick draped himself on top of the slender frame of his lover. Their legs scissored until they were cock-to-cock and engaged in the grinding rhythm they had started an hour earlier on the dance floor. "How do you want this to go, G?"

Greg felt the question float across his ear in a gush of warm breath. "I want this to go until you're fucking me into next week."

Nick stilled. They hadn't gone that far the first time. It wasn't because Greg didn't _**want**_ to - they were just taking it slow. For both of them. Nick looked into Greg's eyes and asked a million questions without saying a word. It was then that Greg understood that for Nick, this was a big step. Huge. Maybe insurmountable.

"Nicky." Greg soothed with his voice and his touch as fingers traced along the ridges of Nick's spine. "I want you. All of you. Everything. You won't hurt me."

"You're right." Nick said with a sudden confident undertone. "You trust me, don't you?"

"You know I do." Greg smiled.

"I trust you, too." Nick said soulfully. "You stop me if you get uncomfortable, okay?"

"You taking control, Stokes?" Greg teased. He was a little confused by Nick's sudden shift in mood, but he really wanted to move past the nervous boyfriend stage.

"Just for a little while." Nick answered between sucking kisses along Greg's chest. "No more talking for a while."

Nick moved slowly, taking his time to remember every detail of the statement Greg had recorded from his hospital bed a few months earlier. He wasn't supposed to listen to it, but he pulled up the file one day when he was supposed to be working on paperwork and listened with his headphones while he pretended to catch up on email.

He was recalling every moment stolen from his lover and replacing it with something else.

Greg had it figured out right after Nick gently rolled him onto his belly and started methodically kissing every scar on his back. It was the most beautiful gesture he had ever experienced. He closed his eyes and melted into Nick's ministrations while he filed every sensation away in his heart so he could relive them over and over.

Which is exactly what Nick intended. A new loop of memories to replace the nightmares.

Greg followed orders and stayed silent while Nick broke his own rules and murmured softly into Greg's skin. Greg couldn't hear everything Nick was saying - but he heard enough to know that Nick thought he was beautiful and sexy and everything he had ever dreamed of.

It was horribly romantic and Greg wasn't complaining.

After trailing a series of open mouthed kisses across the small of Greg's back, Nick's large hands kneaded the fleshy globes of Greg's ass. He gently parted them enough to brush his thumb across the pucker of Greg's most private of places. Seeing this part of Greg for the first time reminded him that hadn't been this close to another man since he was a high school quarterback exploring sex for the first time. Nick remembered how it felt to give himself to Dillan. The pleasurable pain that melted into the kind of climax that felt like coming undone rather than simply coming. Nick remembered how much he liked it. He liked giving it and he liked getting it. Even back then, when he was just a stupid kid fucking his high school boyfriend, Nick believed that allowing another man to be _**inside**_ of his body was something special.

The last person to breach Greg's cherished barrier was a violent, hateful man who happened to be an exact replica of himself. Nick placed his lips against the place his dark-half had violated and he bestowed a sweet kiss there as if apologizing to Greg's body in behalf of his brother.

When Greg felt the wet heat of Nick's talented tongue sliding along the overly sensitive flesh behind his balls, he was surprised to discover that Nick had managed to spread his legs and lift his hips without him even knowing it.

Then Greg felt lips and tongue kissing and swirling between his cheeks and he couldn't stop the sound from breaking his vow of silence. "OhmygodNicky..." He could only think about the fact that he had had an incredibly long shift and hadn't showered since the hours before it started. He knew from experience that what Nick was doing to him was way more pleasant for the giver if the receiver was freshly showered, with extra attention given to the area in question. But Nick didn't seem to mind.

Because Nick _**didn't**_ mind _**at all.**_ He nuzzled between Greg's cheeks while pulling Greg's ass closer and licked his way inside of Greg's tight hole. Greg arched his back and pushed himself back to get more of Nick's tongue inside of him. "You like this, Darlin'?" Nick asked before diving deeper into the heat of Greg's ass.

"Ohgod..." Greg moaned into the sheets.

"Where do you keep your stuff?" Nick asked with his face still buried between hot, spit-slick cheeks.

"Love Shack." Greg groaned the name of his favorite sex shop while swiveling his hips to get more of Nick's face in his ass.

Nick wasn't sure he heard Greg right. He pulled his head back. "Huh?"

"Don't stop, Nicky." Greg begged.

"I need supplies if we're going any further with this, Baby."

Greg's heart fluttered when he realized Nick was starting to use pet names. "I don't have anything. It's been a while since I've needed it."

"But...you said...what about fucking you into next week?" Nick was almost certain he was whining.

"I totally forgot, Nicky. I can run out real quick." Greg turned his head enough to look at Nick, who looked incredibly sexy while pouting with his face half hidden behind Greg's ass.

"You're not going anywhere." Nick was starting to wonder if anything was ever going to go right for them. He literally ached to finish what he started. "Roll over."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them. But instead of freezing from the memory of the last time those two words were spoken, Greg just rolled over without any hint of distress and spread his legs wide. The sight of Greg's obvious trust and comfort caused Nick's chest to ache a little.

Greg _**did**_ have a flash of memory when he heard those two words, but it was quickly replaced by visions of Nick doing tantalizing things to his body. His trust for this man was indisputable.

And he was _**not**_ disappointed.

Nick took him deep into his mouth while spit slick fingers deftly found that spot inside of him that caused his eyes to roll into the back of his head. Nick skillfully finger-fucked him, adding fingers one at a time until Greg didn't miss the fact that it wasn't a cock in his ass - especially combined with the swirly-tongue-suction being applied to his dick. He couldn't even tell Nick how good it felt because the pleasure had rendered him speechless.

Greg had one hand gripping Nick's shoulder and the other buried in Nick's hair. His hips were thrusting in an attempt to get Nick's fingers deeper inside of his ass and his own cock deeper inside of Nick's mouth.

When Greg came without warning it surprised them both, leaving them both gasping for air in a boneless heap of fucked-out bliss.

"That was..." Greg was panting.

Nick head rested on Greg's hip. "Yeah..." He scooted up clumsily until he was laying next to Greg. He allowed his lover to curl into his side and pulled him closer with one arm and buried his fingers into Greg's sweat soaked hair.

After several minutes of basking in the afterglow, Greg's tired voice pulled Nick from his gradual tumble into sleep.

"Do you think you could get next weekend off?" Greg asked before nuzzling into Nick's damp neck.

Nick continued to play with Greg's sweaty hair. "It's kinda short notice, but I could try to trade with someone. Why?"

"I'm going to my friend's wedding back home."

"You want to take me to your friend's wedding?" Nick sounded surprised.

Greg adjusted his position so he could look Nick in the eyes. "I want everyone to meet my boyfriend."

"Do you think your parents will feel weird about me?"

"Why should they?"

"Because of everything that's happened."

"I didn't tell them." Greg explained. "They don't need to know. Maybe in a few years, but right now I just want them to get to know you without any baggage."

"You went through all of this without the support of your family?" Nick was shocked.

"I didn't need them for that. I have everyone here." Greg said. "My mom would just freak out and I don't want to put her through that."

"Do you think you'll ever want to go home with me?" Nick wondered more than asked The harsh reality that had hit him earlier suddenly weighed heavily in his chest.

Greg scooted up enough to place them face to face. "In a heartbeat, Nicky. Nothing could stop me if that's what you wanted."

"But..."

"You would _**never**_ put me in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation." He kissed Nick softly. "I wouldn't hesitate to go to the place you call home."

Nick slid his hand around Greg's head to pull him back for another kiss. "You're my home now, G."

They slipped into a dreamless sleep a few minutes later after agreeing to continue the conversation after Greg could coherently string three words together.

Nick woke up a few hours later, still holding Greg tightly in his arms. At some point they had turned themselves around into a spooning position. Nick thought they fit perfectly. He kissed the scar at the top of Greg's neck before carefully untangling himself so he didn't disturb Greg's much needed sleep.

He couldn't feel anything but happy and content as he picked up the trail of clothes that led from the bedroom to the still opened door that led from the kitchen to the garage. It made his heart soar to remember how the clothes ended up there to begin with.

He pulled on his boxer-briefs after finding them hanging off of the corner of the drawer that contained the coffee filters. He then brewed some coffee and looked through Greg's kitchen to find something to make for dinner later. When the phone rang he hurried to answer it so it wouldn't wake up his sleeping man.

"Sander's residence." He answered quietly. "This is Nick speaking."

"Nick?" The woman's voice sounded a little familiar. "Nick Stokes?"

"Um...yeah." He answered nervously.

"This is Greta." She said as if Nick should know her.

"Greta?"

"Greta Sanders." She clarified. "Greg's mom."

"Ohhhhhh! Of course." Nick remembered meeting her a few times - always at the hospital and always in the worst moments of her son's life. He felt a little guilty knowing that she didn't know anything about the absolute worst moment. "I'm sorry I didn't recognize your voice Mrs. Sanders. How are you?"

"I'm doing well, and my name is Greta. Mrs. Sanders is an old woman living in my in-law suite." She shared her son's sunny disposition. "Where's that son of mine? He owes me a few phone calls."

"He's sleeping. He had a long..couple of days." Nick could feel himself blushing when he thought about some of what he and Greg had done to make his day even longer.

"Greg's sleeping and you're...not?" She asked knowingly. "Do you usually hang out at my son's place while he's sleeping?"

"Uh..."

"Please tell me he _**finally**_ bagged his man." She suddenly sounded giddy.

"Ma'am?"

"He's been pining over you for years." She explained. "Did he finally get you into his bed?"

"We're...uh...dating." Nick blushed redder. _The apple doesn't fall far from __**that**__ tree! _ "Do you want me to have him call you later?"

"No. That won't be necessary. I'll just spend a little time getting to know the man who has captured my son's attention so completely." He could hear the mirth in her tone. "I guess this means I'll need to move the queen-sized bed back into the guest bedroom."

"Um..."

"My dear boy." She said affectionately. "I know my child. He's got you now. He's not planning on letting you go."

Nick liked the way that sounded. He smiled into he phone. "Good to know."

"Good." She said. "Now Greggy said you're not a talker. So I'll make it easy on you and ask questions and you can just answer them. How's that sound?"

Nick chuckled. "Do I have a choice?"

"Not really."

"Didn't think so." He stuck the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could pour himself a cup of coffee. "No questions about sex." He warned.

"I'll save those for Greg." She teased. "So, tell me Nick Stokes. Why Greg?"

He didn't even hesitate. "Because I love him."

"Greg wasn't kidding! You certainly are a man of few words." She confirmed what her son had always told her. "But you pick the right ones."

Nick stretched out on Greg's couch and prepared for a long conversation. "Any other questions?"

"Are you kidding? I got a notebook full of 'em." She laughed pleasantly.

It all just felt so right. He was talking to the mother of his sleeping lover as if it was the most natural thing in the world. For the first time in his life, Nick felt like he belonged to someone - and someone belonged to him - in a forever kind of way. And he was ready to embrace it and everything that came with it. "Well, let's get started then."

FIN


End file.
